August 23, 2008. Me and Teddy.

A Cheery Post. NOT.

It's been a quiet four days around here and we are about turkeyed out.  The last three nights we've enjoyed turkey and all the goodies that accompany it, but enough is enough.  Tonight there will be lamb on our table.

We spent part of this warm inviting day out in the park with Teddy and my scooter.  Everything was peaceful and pleasant until I encouraged Allen to let Teddy off the leash in the Aid's Memorial Garden.  There was only one border collie down there and he/she seemed to pose no threat. 

Well, it was not a smart move on my part.  Allen knows Teddy's off leash behavior better than I do because they take a lot of solo walks together on days when it's too cool for me to go along.  Teddy made a b-line for the other dog today and began to jump on him as an invitation to play.  He does not realize this can be taken as aggression and this dog did not like it.  He pinned Teddy down on the wet grass and we thought Teddy was being torn apart from the sounds coming out of him.  My heart nearly stopped while Allen tore over there to break it up.

We were lucky.  The border collie had not bitten him, just scared the bejessus out of us all.  It was the foolish little dog's fault.  He tries to play with every new dog like he plays with Webster, our cat.  It just does not work that way, Teddy.  He's been told before by a dog or two, but this was by far the worst incident.

Isn't it awful when you try to be nice and it's misunderstood?  We've all been there.

Elen is coming here again for dinner tonight.  She's beginning to be a regular.  I have to admit, she is a little hard to take these days and I do understand why her kids are not hovering, but I wish there was a solution to her situation.  There isn't.  She's feeling useless and world-weary and just wants this life to be over.  The problem is that she is quick to relay this information and her kids do not want to hear it.  After keeping most of her thoughts, opinions and disappointments to herself for a lifetime, she needs now to speak, but the sentiments are hard to hear.  And there is nothing anyone can do really except occupy some of her time to make her forget her misery for a few minutes.

Earlier today when she did not answer her doorbell or her phone, I came home to get her key.  I imagined briefly the worst case scenario - finding her dead - and I did not feel sad at that thought.  It's what she wants.

Ah, what a cheery post this is!!!!!  Sorry folks.  It's just what is happening here.

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Presidential Pardons?

Today when I heard of the presidential pardon of the turkey, I thought momentarily that someone was forgiving W for the last eight years.

But no, it was just a story about a lame duck given a task, a very minor task on the day before Thanksgiving.

P.S.  That bird goes to slaughter like all the rest btw.  It's just another ruse.

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Muddling Along Toward Thanksgiving

I took a hot plate of beef stroganoff over to Elen's tonight on a bed of mashed potatoes along with one cooked and sliced brussel sprout drizzled with fresh lemon.  She had requested just the smallest smidge of food so I did not pile the beef and sauce onto the plate.  That would have made for an instant rejection from this woman who hates to waste anything.  It was just a small plate and she did accept it so that was good.

I told her it was "meals on feet"!

Given that she has lost her appetite and admittedly only eats because she knows she must, she did not call to thank me or praise the dish.  I thought it turned out reasonably well - earning a 7 or 8 on a 10 scale - if you do not consider the cholesterol in it.  It contains creme "fresh" and real butter and lots of both.  It also contains a little cognac, paprika, shallots, beef broth and tons of mushrooms.

Not at all a mind bending dish.  Just a sautee and assemble "paint" by number sort ot thing.  And yes, there are plenty of leftovers.  We will enjoy it again tomorrow.

Tomorrow I have to manage the bus system here to see my primary care doc.  Need to ask for a few rudimentary tests the PH docs don't want to handle.  It's a kick the tires, check the potasseum, the digitalis levels, address the lower back pain, the post nasal drip, bring her up to speed kind of visit.  Lots of hoofing it on and off city busses.  It's not all that easy anymore!

And so it goes here.

I've decided to take this week off from tasks.  I'm just winging it, cooking for us and for Elen with the bird sized appetite and just muddling along in general.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all!.

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A Work In Progress

I ran into a cooking show I like the other day - Lydia's Italy - after a long break.  Lydia is from the same region of Italy as Elen; I clued into that early when I first caught Lydia's show a few years ago.  Elen did confirm it sometime later but said Lydia cooks with too many tomatoes.

I don't honestly know if Elen's birthplace cuisine was sparing of tomatoes or if Elen has just elimiinated them in her own dishes because they are too hard on her system.  I'm always willing to share my dishes with Elen, but I do cook with a lot of tomatoes here so I cannot always help in this arena.  I'll have to think of some things I can pass along in the weeks ahead because Elen is not doing all that well.

I liken it a little to the period eight years ago when I received my medical diagnosis, but it's not quite the same.  Elen at 91+ knows the shoe will drop, knows she is clinically depressed and on the verge of becoming unglued emotionally.  If she gets too low, her kids will place her in a facility and she does not want that. 

When I asked her how she was the other day, she responded with one word - desperate.  I wish I could help her and so I do sit with her.  She knows I understand more than her "healthy" kids do.  She knows I know how it feels to feel diminished, how everything can seem too hard at times, how it is to put one food in front of the other to keep going even when you don't feel like it.  I see the slippery slope while some others may not even know it exists.  Oh, it does exist!

Lydia was onto artichokes the other day when I caught her after so many months, and I did make two of her recipes this past week:  artichoke hearts and potatoes and artichoke pasta sauce.

Last night, on Allen's b-day, Sally, Roger and Gale came over to share a pot-luck meal before we headed out to the jazz nightclub to see Bela Fleck and his group.  I tried out the artichoke heart and potato bake on them which was good, but not quite suitable for an entire meal.  Problem was Sally brought roasted potatoes too.  It was a terrible compliment to my dish but we just laughed it off and filled up with POTATOES.

Tonight Allen and I put a dent in some of the remaining artichoke pasta sauce from late last week, but there are at least four meals left there.  Let's just say, we're in artichoke heaven here.

We all had a great time at the club and afterward stopped at a neighborhood bar across the park to listen to some bluegrass music that in no way could compare to the music we had experienced earlier.  The accustics were awful in that little place; we did not stay long.

But I think the best part of the evening was when we all started talking about childhood embarrasments as the dishes were being cleared.  A few of us recounted those times when we were humuliated as small children and could not - our of politeness or fear - speak up.  We are all around the same age and with so many years behind us, felt free to divulge the awful, pathetic, somewhat amusing memories.

Elen will pull through if her meds begin to elevate her mood a little, but the outcome is very uncertain at this point.  She has to hold tight to the few things she still enjoys, but that list is dwindling.  It's a work in progress.

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No Theme

It's turned cold and damp here and quite suddenly too.  Monday was hot and Tuesday was abysmal.  Yet another  example of the yin and yang of weather along the coast side of San Fran.  Brrr.

I've knuckled down to business, PHC business.  I've been rewriting / updating the medical section and damn I wish I had gone to medical school!   Luckily others who have diplomas share their knowledge online in the way of abstracts and scholarly papers.  It's all there for the plucking if you have the time and the impetus.

On a more personal note, I'm seeing a drop in my empty weight and that pleases me immensely.  I want to experience my old skinny body - the person I once knew well - one more time in this life.  I'm not trying to lose, just being careful about quantity.  It seems to be working.

Allen has a b-day this Saturday and we will spend the evening with friends at the jazz club I love so much.  This is my pick for the evening, but it will be nice for Allen to have friends to acknowledge the passage of yet another year of his life.

Hope everyone is well out there.

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Hot and Crabby

At the market today I spotted the first Dunganesse crab catch of the season sitting there on ice and I asked for one to be weighed.  If you know anything about crab, you know not to bother with anything under two pounds.  The hard frame is weighty and if there is no meat, it's a total waste of time and money.  One of the three on display weighed in at 2.5 pounds and I nearly jumped for joy.  Told the guy to clean it and wrap it up please!

I made the dipping sauce my father taught me to make years ago, threw together some coleslaw with carrots and toasted almonds, sliced a bit of sourdough batard and was ready to go when Allen made his appearance just before 7 p.m.

We had a rather crabby weekend here as well although there was not one Dungenesse anywhere in sight.

We had to flesh things out this weekend about our finances and it was not pleasant.  We've never fought over money but with this economic crisis - which is a massive mess - some things needed resolving.  To add to this heat, there were also unusulaly warm days to deal with which drew us out and away from each other's throats. 

 :-)

We spent both days in the park.  On Saturday Teddy made a new best friend, a little bi-colored Pom named Pitachu.  We let them play hard until their tongues were dragging   Pikachu and mom, Kate live nearby so hopefully we will cross paths again.  This is the best time Teddy has ever had with another little dog and we hope there will be playdates in the future.

On Sunday we went over to see the Yves Saint Laurent exhibit at the DeYoung Museum and caught another Asian-American art exhibit we did not anticipate.  Both were very fun and worth the time.  After sharing a meal in the museum restaurant, we headed home just before dark having enjoyed another unseasonably warm day here in S.F.

At the Aids Memorial Garden on Saturday, I parked my scooter and walked around a bit.  At the museum, I parked outside in the courtyard and walked and walked through the huge building.  And yes, my scooter is a huge help to me.  We did not burn a tad of fossil fuel from Friday through Sunday, not one ounce.  We either walked or scooted everywhere close to home. 

Our weather is due to change in the days ahead.  The fog will return with a vengence by Wednesday and my teeth will be rattling again.  I can hardly wait.  Perhaps the chilly, damp breezes will take me back to my desk to get some things accomplished for PHC.  There is always too much to do.

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For the Good of the Country

Would someone please send a moving van to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to get this guy out!  Please. 

Wouldn't it be splendid if W just stepped down early for the "good of the country"?  I would hope to see that in the history books.  Wow!  What a concept.

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Polenta Talk

Recently at a friend's house for a slap-dash meal, she fried up some rounds of precooked polenta from a tube, threw some red sauce on top and dished it out.  It was very satisfying so this week I decided to work with polenta.

Polenta is peasant food in Italy.  It's a regional favorite of corn meal, water and salt that can be fried or baked and topped with cheese or just about anything else.  It's cheap, versatile and healthy fare.

Well, I priced the tube at $3.50 and I thought it was way overpriced.  Corn meal, water and salt in a tube should cost a pittance so instead I purchased a little bag of organic cornmeal for $3.50, used about 1/6th of it and made my own polenta last night.

What a chore.

It's easy enough to do, but you have to stir and stir and stir for about twenty minutes until the batch gets completely mixed and then you have to pour it onto a platter or other cool surface to let it cool before you cut and fry it.  My arms got so tired and my fingers froze into odd positions as I stirred the ever thickening slop. 

It was hard going, but it was worth it.

Last night we had polenta with marinara sauce I had made last week and tonight I added linguica and saute of zucchini to the one-dish meal.  It's a keeper of a meal, but I will have to make less polenta next time.  I made half the recipe and it still might have fed ten.  Anyone want to come for a polenta dinner?  I have plenty to share.

In the area of PH, I have to say the digoxin seems to be helping some.  While I do not feel any energy windfall here, I do notice water retention is less of an issue.  That must mean my heart is a bit perkier (not a medical term you should try with your doc) and handling this odd bod a bit better.

Bailey, I think you might like polenta.  It's in the "grits" family!

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Elen Part Two

By the time Allen and I returned from our little grocery shopping trip Sunday, Elen's fears and tears had turned to pure rage.  She is just mad as hell at being alive after such an unsatisfying long life.  There is no other way to put it.  The woman wants o-u-t.

Her oldest daughter showed up about five minutes after I arrived so I left them alone to discuss things.  Later we all went out for dinner - which had been planned earlier but without the older daughter - and the three of us tried to make light of things while Elen hung her head over her plate for most of the evening.

Tonight I lured Elen over here with homemade clam chowder and we talked about anti-depressents and behavior modification.  I told her that sometimes just acting happy will help to elevate a mood even if you don't feel it at first.  It's the "whistle a happy tune" phenom and I really do believe there is something to it.

On a personal note, I find acting "happy" often does translate into feeling better, but my favorite thing to do is to stand far enough back to see the absurdity in things.  It's like I'm in the audience of my own absurd little life and it is plenty absurd.

If you can do this - stand back and look down -  it is totally impossible to take yourself seriously.  Would our individual stories make it through a pitch for the Hallmark Channel special?  Are we worthy of an Oprah slot?  Doubtful.  Pretty doubtful.

Okay, enough of the weird.

Elen is going to see a doctor on Wednesday for anti-ddpressents.  She has gone through bouts of serious depression twice before and knows she needs a tow rope.  Her daughter set up the appointment.  Good move.  Solid gold.

And how about that Obama!!!  He's got plans.  He's not mickey mousing around in his honeymoon days after the election.  He's getting down to business. I am so impressed.  No absurdity here.  None.

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Elen

I went over to Elen's today to see how she was doing.  She's not doing well at all and I knew she would welcome a ping.  She asked me to let myself in with the key we keep here which told me volumes.

At 91 and change, Elen's heart is erratic, she gets dizzy spells, her bp is spikey, she's lost most of her appetite and she says she does not feel at all like herself anymore.  She also says she is ready to die, but is afraid she will suffer and linger in her quiet, solitaty apartment all alone.  In short, she's just plain scared.

When I called her daughter just now to bring the family into the picture, her daughter tried her best to minimize the situation.  She prefers to think her mother is overstating things and just worrying herself sick over nothing.  Nothing I said could convince her otherwise.  If the doctors say Elen is pretty healthy and there is nothing much wrong with her, then nothing Elen herself says  is going to carry any weight at all.

It's ironic, I think, that when people are facing their own death square in the face, nobody around them wants to let them.  They try to get them to smile for the camera, try to engage them in silly banter or cajole them with light-hearted gab.. 

I wish I could shake this off as easily.  I think Elen is living the last days of her life.  After we do some shopping, I'm going back over there for some quiet time with her.  Maybe someday when I need the same kind of support, someone will be there for me too.

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Yum Yum

A friend has been urging me to try something different in the kitchen, urging me to dig out my antique pressure cooker to save time and energy, urging me to go Indian fare.

And so today I did it all.

She had given me a recipe she liked, the unusual spices I would need - mango powder? - and so today was the day.  I made Dal Makhani a soupy blend of beans, lentils, spices, onion, garlic, jalapeno peppers, yogurt and cream which was very satisfying and will certainly be revisited in the weeks and months to come around here.

My pressure cooker, which had not been used in decades, caused me a palp or two, but it's only because I've forgotten how to use it.  Today I found a useful website that offers guidence on using an old-fashioned one, the timing, the liquid requirements etc. that I think will settle down my nerves going forward.

I'm all in.

Tonight's meal contained very little salt and yet it was very tasty and healthful.  My friend has been dabbling in Indian fare for some time and has a lot more experience in this arena than I currently have.  I don't think I will ever catch up, but I am happy to try her favorites.

So, Michelle, keep 'em coming.

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It Does Not Get Much Better Than This

I climbed out of bed with a smile in my heart this morning.  The U.S. showed the rest of the world and it's citizens here as well that even a man or a woman from humble circumstances can rise to power.  We have not seen anything akin to this in decades and there are tears in nearly everyone's eyes.

Will he be the perfect leader?  Doubtful, but right now the bar is not set very high.  I could not help but wonder what W was ruminating about last night and today, how he might shurck this one off ,  coninue to believe history will be kind fo him and enjoy his round of golf today.

As Bugs (as in Bunny) used to say, "what a maroon!"

How can Barack fail in comparison?

Well, let's see, how many problems are there?  Wow!  If you consider them all at once, you might blow a gasket or kill off some essential and useful gray matter.  Is there anything right now that is NOT a problem worth being at the top of the list?

Keeping in mind that this one man is not an angel or an other worldly being, I just hope he is as advertised.  I hope he is a thoughtful man who listens to all points of view and makes an informed decision.  I hope he surrounds himself with brilliance and talent, that he keeps his focus and has time to enjoy that new puppy in the white house. 

It does not get much better than this.

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Hey Alex

:-)

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Night Before Election Day

Elen came over tonight for some homemade beef stew and a discussion about all the ballot initiatives we are expected to understand by tomorrow.  Woe is me.  We gave up on many of them.  Too much.  Far too much to absorb.

Earlier today I poured over the California initiatives and formed an opinion about many of them, but the city goes nuts with piddling this and picky picky that.  Most of this minutia should not be on our ballots.  Name a sewage treatment plant after George W?  Tempting, but it does cost money for signage.  Tempting though.  Yes, it was on our city ballot.

It rained like crazy on Saturday and more today.  Lots more.  There is snow for the healthy ski folks in the mountains and our reservoir is a little fuller tonight.  I did my research, took a nap and made stew today as it poured.

Teddy is turning into a most imperfect little dog companion.  He has regressed on his house training, likes to chew holes in EVERYTHING and is quite the tough little nut to crack.  Do I want Sadie back?  You better believe it.  It's hard not to compare them.  It's impossible.

Our friends / neighbors will be here tomorrow evening to share food while we watch the votes roll in.  I have no prediction about the outcome.  It's too close to call.  Too close.

Let's hope whatever the outcome, it turns out to be the best thing for this country.  We could sure use some help here.  We've been falling, failing in so many ways.\

Keep warm and dry, eat some good homemade food, get plenty of rest and stay curious about everything.  My recipe for a "good enough" life.

:-) 

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Pet Pride Day in San Francisco

We scooted over to a meadow in Golden Gate Park today to attend the annual Pet Pride celebration.  It was Teddy's first party and he responded by acting more and more like a shy little Pomeranian.  He's still friendly to nearly everyone, but he's not eager to be loved by any passing stranger.  He gets frightened when he hears another dog bark and he clammers to be picked up when he feels overwhelmed.  He felt overwhelmed today.

The meadow was filled with dogs and their proud caretakers.  We saw two chihuahuas and a chicken go by in a little red wagon.  We saw another chihuahua in his Halloween costume posing for pictures on a platform on the back of a bicycle.  There were two alpacas in the parade, a bunny rescue group, a snake rescue booth and many, many others doing good works for animal welfare.  And there were hundreds of presumably loved dogs with or without costumes on leashes sniffing and soaking up the filtered sun on this fall day.

All the sample bags of food in the little cloth bag were snug in the scooter basket when we headed for home, but our teeth were nearly rattling from the damp and cold by then.  The filtered sun had given it up to cool soggy fog.

We might have checked out the Cannabis shindig :-) at the County Fair Building, but by then, my hands were frozen to the handlebars and I needed to be home.

On a political note, I am very encouraged by the polls and the endorsements my candidate has received in recent weeks.  It should be a landslide.  If it is anything else, I will have to think it's voter fraud or pure and simple idiocy on the part of many voters.  But I've been wrong before even when I thought things were crystal clear.

But at least I am hopeful.

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Temporary Escape From Dullsville

We're enjoying warm days here and last night, the warmth lingered which is very unusual.  I scooted to the Academy to meet friends and Allen for dinner in their new, fancy restaurant called The Moss Room.  I did not even need a sweater.

The place was nearly empty.  Word about the new restaurant with the beautiful living moss wall and sustainable, organic menu has not spread yet and even when the word does get out, it's a tough time to be opening an expensive restaurant.  It is VERY pricey.  When we clinked our glasses together after eye-balling the menu, I said something about Rome burning.  The stock market continues to sink.

On the way home in the warm night air we passsed the sidewalk astronomer,and a musician clanging away at a little keyboard hoping for coins before we ran into a neighbor's son walking their friendly yellow lab.  He said his folks had just called our house a few minutes before to invite us to come up and enjoy the view from their front porch, have a glass of wine and some gab. 

It felt as if we were on vacation last night out having fun, enjoying the balmy air, yakking and socializing.  I could sure stand more of these kinds of evenings...:-)

Now it's back to dullsville here.

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