WARNING : not a nice entry

It's been very quiet over here. Drea had a (let's say" fit and was taken to the hospital by the cops. once there, they admitted her into the physic ward where she has been for over a week. i miss her terribly, but have to admit to enjoying the peace.

thanksgiving sucked. since drea isn't here, we decided to skip the thanksgiving meal. which was just as fine since i didn't feel like cooking or preparing or whatever. I know deb would have helped if i asked her to, but too depressed to ask.

i visit drea daily and every visit ends with a fight, which she starts. last night however, didn't end with a fight. which was really nice. hopefully she will be released soon!
 

i have to see an obgyn to get my yearly visit. not looking forward to that!!! yuck! then i have to go to the high school and speak to the principal and councelor about what's going on over here with drea.

please say prayers for her she so needs them!

^i^

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moving violation!

so yesterday was a good day until the night. well i'll tell you why yesterday was a good day. my friend from work , who i usually flirt with and he with me, came in and we spent the afternoon flirting. which is totally fun!

then that night, i promised drea we'd go dancing but i was so tired! she had a friend over who was going to go daning with us at the black cat http://www.blackcatdc.com/ 

anyways, they convinced me to go and i had fun for a while until they jumped on the stage and started dancing leaving me alone. i just stood there listening to the boom boom boom of the music, i was standing next to a speaker.

Anyways, as we were leaving to go to the black cat, i made an illegal turn, right in front of a cop. i didn't mean to. truely i didn't mean to. these cops out here are out of control. this woman was yelling at me! i wanted to ask her, why the hell are you yelling at me? but i was told that was how the cops out here are. mean and ugly. so i got a $90 ticket :(( 

if anyone wants to help, please send $10 in care of alex fund for the police! i only need 9 people to send 10 bucks! pretty please. lol.

this is the second ticket i've recieved since arriving here. the cop wanted to give me another ticket for my plates still being texas. but i'm working on that!

^i^

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surprise!

well, i'm up early again this morning so i thought it was the perfect time to write in my diary when the h ouse is totally quiet, for another 8 minutes, then i have to go wake drea up for school. lol.

drea surprised me with tickets to a performance of orchestra and a full blown choir. it was so beautiful! we all got dressed up , i even had make up on :O and my hair was straightened by Debbie. drea even wore a skirt for the first time in a long time!
It was so beautiful! we really all enjoyed it. It was at the Kennedy center, such a beautiful place! and we cabbed to the metro entrance and metroed it the rest of the way.

it was quite chilly that night and i'm glad i brought my heavy jacket!

^i^

ps. i tried to put a pic in here but because it's a .bmp instead of a .jpeg it won't accept it. says it's too big. so if anyone wants to see the pic, just email me at alexflipse.geo@yahoo.com

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So blessed!

It hit me today how blessed I truly am at this point in my life. I'm living the high life here in DC with my daughter and my sister. what's missing ? carly and luzy. I miss them so much!

But today we went to a protest rally , protesting prop 8, the right to gay marriage. It was shot down in California and all over the country there were these huge rallies. the one here in DC was so big they had 3 or 4 people speaking at the same time on different topics so the crowd could hear. we walked down past the white house and ended up in the national mall i believe, where the rally continued. I had a wonderful time supporting those that lost their right to marry. there were some awesome signs people were holding. one said, " when do I get to vote on your marriage"  another said "i am not a second class citizen"  I so agree with them.

For so long during my married life, i was a second class citizen. constantly walking on egg shells so afraid to disrupt my ex of his computer games, or what ever else he was doing. We couldn't do anything. I remember once a friend invited me to go play BINGO with her and of course he said no. I felt like who the hell do you think you are to be telling me no i can't go? dinner was cooked. all he had to do was serve the kids. But now, no matter what it, if i want to do it, I can just GO do it!

I'm so blessed to have drea and debbie with me. they keep me grounded. well, drea does anyways. lol. debbie is a riot who keeps me laughing when i'm too depressed to get out of bed. yes, the depression hasn't gone away like i thought before, but at least it isn't crippling like it was in texas.

I'm so blessed to have a job! It's not one that I plan on keeping for ever, or even for a few more months. but it's doing what i need it to do, giving me a little bit of money so that I can pay my bills.

I was denied for food stamps. I'm going to try again in a few weeks i think, maybe sooner. But what I want to do is ask work for more hours. right now i'm getting between 4 and 8 hours a week. i need more!

I'm even considering finding a place of my own. not that anything has happened between debbie and i, she is awesome and i love her with all my heart. but i think she needs to be on her own. she's been on her own for so long and then to take on the both of us, drea and i, i think it's hard for her. so i want to do what's right and try to find a place where I can afford to live. but i'm thinking more of government housing. i think that may be the only way i could afford it. I also think Drea needs for us two to be by ourselves as well. I'm perfectly happy living with debbie and drea. right now, all this is just in the thought process.            

but i do consider myself very blessed! my health is good (except for distended belly which i went to ER and hopkins for and neither knew why because it's not accities.) oh and i have a rash from the bar of soap i've been using during my shower. i'm used to dove sensitive skin and we ran out and haven't been able to get some more. lol. i'll do that tomorrow.

i had so much fun at the rally. i was fighting for my child i was fighting for all the gays and lesbians out there who want to marry but are unable to. I used to think that gay marriage was wrong. an abomination. but what could be wrong about 2 people making a commitment to love eachother until death do they part? it's a beautiful thing.

 ^i^

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A SONG

got this song in my head ok?

he's got the whole world in his hands

he's got the whole world in his hands

he's got the whole world in his hands

he's got the whole world in his hands.

he's got the momma's and the pappa's in his hands

he's got the momma's and the pappas in his hands

he's got the mommas and the pappas in his hands

he's got the whole world in his hands

he's got the little bitty babies in his hands

he's got the little bitty babies in his hands

he's got the little  bitty babies in his hands

he's got the whole world in his hands

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I voted!

I voted! I voted! Go Barak Obama!!!!!! see below to see where I went last night and who i saw!

^i^

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plans

We had plans for yesterday evening since the early morning, or perhaps the night before. as soon as we heard Obama was going to be speaking in Virginia, we knew we had to go see him on these huge tv's at a bar. it would be a party! we've been there before to see Obama when he did his other speeches.

but all of a sudden Debbie had this bright idea that we would drive to Virginia and see him in person. we had to wait for her friend to get off of work and then we were on our way. I drove there, he drove back. The traffic was just awful! snarled as Debbie said.  but it was an easy drive for me since i've driven LA traffic before. 

Senator Obama was supposed to speak at 9pm and my van's clock said 9:15. so we thought, that's it, we're too late. then all of a sudden someone realizes that my car hadn't been set back yet to the time change of early sunday morning. So hurray! it was only 8:15.  The traffic was so bad that we finally got to Mansassas (i think that's how it's spelled) at about 9:10, and when we looked at the clock the first time, we only had like 10 miles to go.

So we're driving around the town trying to find a parking space, which of course, there weren't any. I pulled into a residential street and debbie jumped out and asked someone if we could park in their drive way for $10. They said $20 and we took it! After about a mile and a half walk, we arrived! the crowd was so thick being short as I am, I couldn't see anything other than people's backs and heads. But still, I got to hear Senator Obama speak, and it was a really good speach.

Oh! BTW, due to traffic he was about an hour late getting there so we had plenty of time and were able to listen to the entire speech! drea got some good photos and some video while sitting piggy back style on her friend;s back and shoulders. 
Several times during the trip to Virginia, we kept saying this is a waste of time, we're already late, by the time we get there we won't make it. but of course someone in the van kept saying, "we've gotta try! we've gotta try!"  I'm glad we did try! it was pretty awesome!

Go out and VOTE today! I'm going!!!!!

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the thomas jefferson memorial

we went out last night and saw the Thomas Jefferson Memorial. It is amazingly beautiful! Debbie said it was a incredible that the crowds were all gone! it was pretty awesome i think because we got the place basically all to ourselves.

I have pics but they didn't turn out well enough. I think the next time we go, which we already agreed would be in the day time, the pics will be better and i'll post them.  but wow! how beautiful the memorial was!

^i^

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the thomas jefferson memorial

we went out last night and saw the Thomas Jefferson Memorial. It is amazingly beautiful! Debbie said it was a incredible that the crowds were all gone! it was pretty awesome i think because we got the place basically all to ourselves.

I have pics but they didn't turn out well enough. I think the next time we go, which we already agreed would be in the day time, the pics will be better and i'll post them.  but wow! how beautiful the memorial was!

^i^

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high heel races

So the other night we went into the city and watched the High Heel Races. It was a lot of fun watching men dressed up in drag walking around the street like they were queen of Sheba. their costumes, (don't know if they are called costumes or not) were political, funny, and outrageous! There were many many Sarah Palin's. Princess Diana and a local running for congress, (forget the name) There were Victoria's Secret Angels and Fairies all over the place. There were even the woman from the cult in Texas who lost their kids running around all over the place. I didn't get to watch the race because we were being told to get on the side walk and as we tried to, others from the back of the crowd rushed in and got to the front of the crowd. We were so smashed together that Debbie and Drea kept calling out my name but I couldn't even move my head there were so many people! I even started to get scared that I would be trampled. But they finally got to me and pulled me out of the crowd, thank goodness! After the race, we got to get with some of the drag queens and get pictures with them.  The pics are all on debbie's phone and when i get them , I'll post them here. 

it was a fun night all in all just a little scary when the crowd went wild and i got smushed.

here's a video on you tube from several years ago http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjUSKYMDT48

^i^

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slammed

I have gone to this chat room for 10 years on yahoo, it's Catholic chat. of course, I am Catholic and proud of it. everything was going fine until someone asked me if i was voting this year. i said i was. then they asked who i was voting for, i told them that it would make me very unpopular in there should i say who i'm voting for. but I said Obama. I was slammed  by this one person in there who i thought was my friend. i only care about material things and i'm going against the word of God because obama is pro choice and for the death penalty. i am strongly pro life and against the death penality. but i gotta say... There's more to a candiate than their beliefs in women's rights  and the death penalty.but now i feel like crap because I am going against God's word and even though I can't say I'm a strong Catholic since I haven't been to mass in weeks, i am a pretty strong Catholic in my ways. my moral fiber is strong. i don't steal, cheat, lie, etc. So it hurts that someone would say that to me. Now i'm wondering if I should even vote or not. Mc Cain , in my opinion isn't a strong choice. All he has going for him, in my book, is pro choice. other than that, i don't agree with him at all.

should i vote? would it be a sin to vote for Obama since i'd be going "against God's word"?

I'm a good person. i really am.

sorry if we aren't supposed to talk about politics here. btw, this would be the first time i ever voted.

^i^

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I'm so angry!

I don't know if I'm angrier than I'm sadder or the other way around. I'm hurt. I wanted so bad to cry last night but no tears came. yet my heart hurt so much i could barely stand it.

you see, i've been planning for  my two kids Carly and Luzy to come out and stay with me for a week for Christmas, since I left Texas. I'd make a mental note of the places they would want to see, the air and space museaums, all the monuements , etc. For several days now, we've been looking at the prices of airfare cuz I have to pay for them to come here and Dan would pay for them to go back. and then, when carly and luzy left here, drea would fly back with them and stay in texass for a week.

last night when i called dan i told him they would have to miss a day of school in order for us to get the best price. he said no. i said what do you mean no? i thought he'd say, he didn't want them missing any school at all. instead he said that his finances are bad right now and that he can't afford to fly them back. WHAT????? That goes against the courts cuz the divorce decree which neither one of us has signed yet because we haven't gotten a copy to sign yet, says that I'm to get the kids one week during Christmas and two weeks during the summer. I didn't know what to say. he said if i could come up with a thousand dollars to pay the taxes on the house that he would send them. but of course i can't come up with a thousand dollars. where am i supposed to get it? out of my ass?

so i sat in layed for about 45 minutes wishing i could cry over not seeing the girls. it breaks my heart so much! i was so looking forward to seeing them! i'm going to have to call my lawyer, if he ever calls me back (i've been calling him for weeks to get the papers we need to sign). This lawyer i feel jipped me. No spousal support? No child support? why didn't he just put the tickets on a freaking credit card? like we were going to do?

I'm mad! I'm sad! I'm hurt!

^i^

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