Goals

 I used to be a supermom. That is such a simple statement, but it really was my life at the time. I got my family up in the mornings, did breakfast and got them off to school and work. I worked all day, sometimes for more than 8 hours, then picked kids up, came home, supervised homework, made supper, cleaned house, did dishes, did laundry, did committees, sports events, school events, etc. etc. ad nauseum. The next day I did it all over again. Through 20 years and 3 marriages I did this. No help from hubby. No help from kids. That was how I was raised. That's what wives/mothers did. My daughter asked me, "Mom, what do you do for YOU?" I didn't do anything for me - taking care of my family was what made me happy.

Three years ago I got sick. My life changed as much as a life can change. It started at the top. When the hubby refused to pitch in and help, it was get rid of him. When the job became too much, it was time to stop working. My health deteriorated more, and I had to be placed on Flolan. My oldest child graduated from high school and within a year moved into her own apartment. Even with all the changes, I still crashed and burned. I got to where I was angry all the time. Furious at everything. After a
hospitalization due to stress and irregular heart rhythyms, I began to see the light. I got a therapist and got put on an antidepressant. It's taken a year of work, but my life is serene, calm, relatively healthy, and peaceful. The changes in three years have been so dramatic. I think a lot of it had to do with goals.

You see, I had to be the best. At everything. Best Mom. Best wife. Cleanest house (HA!). Best dressed smartest kids. But I was really a mess. Everything was goal oriented - I HAD to do this, I HAD to accomplish that, this HAD to be done TODAY, etc. Today my life is so much more simple. I provide the best I can do for my kids and myself, and let everything else go. Goals have ceased to be important. I do still try to accomplish ONE thing each day. One thing that matters. I have yard guys, a handyman, and a cleaning service. I make sure that I get enough rest to be able to do the things that really matter. Watching swim team practice. Helping out at my church. Going to the ranch to play with my kids. You know, the important things.

My goals are now simple things. Go out to get a haircut. Get school clothes for my son. Take a good long soaking bath. Drop the 7 rolls of film off to be developed. Get groceries. Yes, they are small goals, but I still get a sense of accomplishment when I get them done. "It's not much but I did it." I can do these things.

But of course, I still have the best and smartest kids....

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How often is our mood or even our total well-being influenced by the weather? I know that during the Mexican fire period, I really had trouble breathing. It was true that the air was very heavy and saturated with ash, but it was also very dry, hot, and cloudy. It was hard to catch a breath, even inside, so O2 was handy. At the beginning of this week the winds had cleared out the area and the ash is no longer a factor, but it is still very dry and hot, and breathing outside is labored. Then last night we had a cold front blow through. Still no rain, but today it is cooler, breezy, and sunny. And I feel great! Breathing well, even outside in the back yard. A concidence? Who knows... we have had ozone alerts, but that doesn't seem to bother my breathing the way it does my mother. She just can't breathe when the ozone level is high, and she really has to crank up her O2.

Today it was outside to water everything that has been gasping for moisture. I had my golden retriever's beautiful long hair cut off (a little shorter than I wanted), and she acts like a puppy again. She loves being free of that hot coat. My ringneck doves are sitting on their nest again, the second clutch this year. Two healthy babies and two more eggs in the nest.

No action yet on the quail. My garden is thriving, but so are the weeds. It's been too hot to go out and weed, so I might be fighting a losing battle on that one.

An amusing anecdote. My son and I each carve a jack-o-lantern in the driveway each Halloween. It falls to him to clean up the mess, which we try to contain on newspaper, but some has to be washed away with the garden hose. Well, somehow or other, a couple of pumpkin seeds must have gotten washed into the shrub bed along the driveway, because I have two large leafy vines growing in there that sure look like pumpkin plants. We don't eat squash, so I don't know what else they could be. I've been watering them and have directed them to grow away from the driveway, so it will be interesting to see what develops. They are already blooming. I've wanted to grow pumpkins but I didn't think I had enough room in my garden. It's only a 6 x 20 ft garden. However, the driveway bed is loooonnnng... It takes so little to make me laugh.

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Well, Diary, yesterday was my birthday. A milestone for me, just an ordinary day for everybody else. I got sung "Happy Birthday" to by my Mom and my sisters, but my kids forgot it and the ladies at work forgot it (2nd year). I did not party, I did not celebrate. I just quietly thanked God for another year and prayed for yet another one.

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I ended my last entry by stating that it took so little to make me laugh. Life was smooth, calm, peaceful.. good. Well, we all know that life does not stay that way. I'm no longer laughing.

Sunday morning I was called over to my mother's house by her caregiver, and found Mom gray, unresponsive, O2 saturation of 54, and body temp of 95. A quick call to 911 and another hospital trip. Since she has a valid 'Do Not Resuscitate' order, the doctor put her on a BiPAP. Turns out it was another spell of narcosis, i.e. too much CO2 in her lungs/brain/body. Twenty four hours on the BiPAP cleaned her out and today she is back to being "Little Napoleon", directing the world from her hospital bed. They have found no precipitating event, only that she is chronic end-stage COPD, but they have put her on an antibiotic as a hedge. I'm hoping this will be a short stay.

I know that her doctor will want her to begin to sleep under a BiPAP and I know that Mom is equally adamant that she will not. She HATES that machine (giving it NO credit for saving her life) and will refuse to use it. Look up stubborn in the dictionary and you will see my Mom's picture.

Surely all the hell that we gave our parents when we were teenagers does not require us to deal with head-headed parents later in life. Ahhhh... the circle of life. We must do the best we can do. I'm glad that my Mom is still here to argue with me. :o)

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Another hurdle has been crossed. My mother was discharged from the hospital today. She has cheated Death one more time. Her courage and will to live are truly a testament to faith. I picked her up, got all her paraphernalia and flowers and we trekked home. She is very down-in-the-dumps, though, and I don't understand why. She's home, she's relatively healthy again - I would think she'd be dancing for joy. However, after talking to my sisters tonight, today wasn't a good day for any of us. At least we can laugh and know that it WILL get better. Anyway, it's late, I'm tired and ready for this day to be over. Errands tomorrow, work Wednesday, maybe by Thursday I can take a horizontal day... I think it's going to be necessary, not a choice of action.

I thank all of you who sent me Birthday greetings! Sometimes I forget the community out there, and how none of us is ever alone. I'm so happy to have found this site and am so thankful for the people who are struggling right along with me. I must keep that in mind - I am not alone.

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Teenagers!  I've raised one, now I have another!  My son turned 13 yesterday.  Three bouts of Laser Tag and a platter of hotdogs later, his friends indoctrinated him into that new state of boyhood - gross humor.  Of course this is neither gross nor humorous, but more a ritual that even grown men participate in.  Who can out-gross the others the most.  Anyway, the going thing with boys here these days is skateboarding and Playstation games.  Not things I participate in.  I'm Mom the Ferry, taking them where they want to go.

My son goes to stay with his father this Sunday, and I head to my ranch for a reunion with my sisters.  No kids, no hubbies, just us girls.  I'm really looking forward to it.  That is, if I can stay awake.  I've really been tired lately, sleeping late, taking long naps...  I wonder if anything is wrong.  The breathing is fine, it's just the bone-deep weariness.  My Mom's caretaker blames the weather.  Speaking of which, we finally got some rain!  After a totally dry May, we've already gotten 2 inches of rain in June.  Everything has decided to bloom again, and the grass is greening quickly.

Sorry this entry is so rambling.  That's the way my thoughts have been lately.

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Time passages...

I didn't realize that so much time had passed since my last entry.  I did run away from home on June 8th to the ranch, but I came back on the 16th.  It was not by choice.  Mom is back in the hospital, on her way out this time.  The bipap machine did not work for her, so all the doctors are doing is what they call "comfort measures".  She gets Ativan to help her with her anxiety, but her CO2 narcosis is taking over.  She was very disoriented today, and is sliding further away.  Both sisters are here, and we are all waiting.....  Questions have been asked and answered, good-byes have been said, childhood experiences have been re-lived.  If my mom weren't dying, we would say we were having a great visit.  This is going to be soooo hard.  She has been my rock for my entire life.  Even when I would screw up, she was ALWAYS there to support me and comfort me.  She has always been a really good Mom.  I'm going to miss her terribly.

On a good note, my daughter graduated from college yesterday.  I am so proud of her and her accomplishment!  We videotaped the whole thing, and got some good pics of her in her beautiful cap and gown.  Our celebration was a little subdued, but she was due a good night, so we did go out to a fancy restaurant that had an attached theme park to play in.  I even had fun on the river ride.

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Yesterday my beloved mother died.  Rest easy, Mom, and breathe deeply.

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Moving On...

Well, the formalities are over. The funeral is over, the food thrown out, the dishes have been washed and returned, and my Mom is still not here. How do you move on when there is such a hole in your life? I tried to run away after all the business was done. We went to the ranch for a while, but I'm back home tonight and the grief is still here. We with PH wonder what it will be like for us to die, but do you ever think about your people who will be left behind? How the world will just go on without you, like you didn't even matter? My mother and I were so close, sharing lung diseases, and now I have to go on with my life without her to compare difficulties with breathing, jokes about equipment, miseries with the weather, etc.

I came back from the ranch to take care of some business, but mainly to go to my PH Support Group meeting this weekend. I need to get back to church. I need to start planning for the rest of my life. Some plans hinge on how my 6 month check up goes next month. Answers to questions will determine time lines on freedom.

It's a full moon right now, and it's reflection on a lake in the mountains is truly awesome. The peace I achieved there should be lasting me longer than just the trip home, wouldn't you think?

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My retreat

Let's get fancy here.  New typeface, etc.

I thought I would write about my retreat.  The place I go when I need to run away from home.  I am talking about my ranch.  This is a 45 acre parcel of property in the Texas Hill Country (must be capitalized - ha!).  It sits on a ridge high over a river valley, and I have built a 2-br cedar cabin on it.  It is way out in the middle of nowhere, with no one else around.  However, on the good side, there is a hospital about 20 miles away, and two lakes within minutes of it.  We do have a phone and a TV, but just recently got a satellite.  I did have to break down and get a cheap little laptop, as I can't seem to do without the Internet for weeks at a time.  We have frequent visitors - deer, owls, quail, hawks, roadrunners, coyotes, armadillos and scorpions.  I've seen evidence of mice, but haven't laid eyes on any yet (thank you, God).  We have put out birdhouses and bird feeders galore, and have made a home for a booming hummingbird community.  Most of the trees are live oak and cedar, and the smell up there is heavenly.  I don't have any problems breathing with it being at a higher altitude, but when it gets really hot, I have to hit the AC and turn on the O2.  We also have some rolling grassland where prickly pear cactus thrives.  The western part of the property is very rocky, so we have to be careful when we're scooting on our 4-wheelers.  Those rocks can reach out and bite.

For me, the peaceful part about being up there is the aloneness.  The serenity.  No one is out there to bother me or to harass me.  I don't have to listen to the neighbor's dog bark all night long.  There is no traffic.  Ahhhh.....peace.

I wish everybody a place to go for peace.

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After a few horizontal days for me this week, my son informed me that it was time to get out of the house.  It was, alas, too true, as I tend to get really lazy.  So up I got and we went to Houston to the Museum of Natural Science.  We try to go at least once a year, so it was time....  The main displays haven't changed much, but the new additions, the gem and mineral exhibit and the seashell exhibit were really interesting!  In all our river travels, we've become amateur rock hounds, and it was neat to see that some of the rocks we've picked up were "real stuff" (as opposed to being just rocks).  As far as the seashells, I thought I knew my shells, but I'm sadly mistaken.  Although there are only two kinds of shells, univalves (one-piece like snails), and bivalves (hinged like clams and scallops), there must be a million different varieties of each!  Some with long spines and colors I'd never seen.  I have inheirited my mother's wheelchair, so my son got a good workout pushing me around.  We also went to the Butterfly Center, which is a large glass room with a waterfall, exotic plants, and over 100 butterfly species flying around.  There were so many that they would land on people as they walked by.  It was truly an awesome experience.  I've been there before, but it never ceases to amaze me.

I went out on a date last night and had the best broiled scallops I've ever had.

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Well, I am going to bite the bullet.  I am going to fly.  That is not such a profound statement for most people, but my dad was killed in an airplane crash, so the thought daunts me.  However, it is my eldest sister's birthday next week and she is the only person in our immediate family who hasn't had Mom with her for her birthday this year.  SO... my other sister and my son and I are flying to Atlanta, GA to visit and party.  Actually I'm pretty proud of myself for making this decision, and all the arrangements, by myself.  My Mom would be proud of me.  I admit the prospect makes me extremely nervous, but I can do this.  I will have my O2, and if all else fails, I can always close my eyes.  And take my Xanax.... :o)  (Only for family would I do this...)

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I did it!

I flew!  And are my arms tired!  (yuk yuk)  We had a wonderful vacation in Georgia.  We had no problems with either flight, the oxygen, or getting around while there.  God has smiled on me at this time in my life. 

The trip was really good.  My Texas sister met me at the Houston airport.  The timing of the flight fit well with my schedule.  Arrived in Atlanta all rosy from extra O2 (In the plane I set it on 4 L) to see my Georgia sister waiting for us, got my rental car, checked in to the motel where my rental concentrator was waiting for me.  All smooth and easy.  We had a wonderful visit.  Over the course of our week, we went to Juliette, GA where the movie "Fried Green Tomatoes"  was filmed (incredible), went to Savannah (historic), and went to Tybee Island, where I dipped my toes in the Atlantic Ocean (awesome!!!!).  Took LOTS of pics!  An incredible part of the trip was going to Stone Mountain, GA.  It is this huge (1683 feet high, 500 acres around) mountain of gray granite that just pops up outside of Atlanta.  In the face of this 'big rock' is a bas relief carving of the generals of the Civil War.  Huge!  It has to be seen to be believed.  We took a skylift to the top of the mountain and that was exciting.  I spent the day being wheeled around alternately by my sister and my son, browsing the shops and doing the rides and amusements until dark, when we were exhausted and went home.

The most awesome part of the trip, however, was my sister's birthday, where my other sister and I gave her the card and present my Mom picked out and signed for her before she died.  The love was wonderful, the emotion was overpowering.

After another smooth easy flight, we are back home, my son goes off to camp next week, then the summer is over!  My son starts school on Aug 14th!  Can you believe it? 

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It ain't easy being yellow....

I woke up this morning yellow.  Being 'yellow' is our code word for not getting enough Flolan.  It evolved because my face turns from its usual flushed pink to yellow when there is a Flolan delivery problem.  I had been laying in bed dozing, when I rolled over and felt moisture on my chest.  A quick feel discovered a leaking line/catheter connection.  Had this been the first time this had happened, I probably would have panicked, but as this was the second, I just got up, calmly changed my clave and line, re-primed, and was back in the swing of things.  I don't know how long I'd been leaking, but it was long enough to cut down the blood flow to my face.  Yes, I have to admit that I was highly nervous.  The first time this happened, I was in a restaurant eating dinner, happened to look down and noticed that the front of my sweater was wet.  That was the panic time.  However, I am now 'back in the pink' and just fixed pancakes for breakfast.  I think I'm going to take an anti-anxiety pill and go hit the sack, though.  It takes a lot out of me when I have a scare like that.  One more admonition to Flolan users to NEVER BE WITHOUT EXTRA LINES, CASSETTES, CLAVES OR PUMPS!!! 

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vacationing again...

I'm running away from the world again...  My son is at camp, my daughter is busy with her own life, so once again I have run away from home up to the ranch.  My life has changed so much over the last two months that my head is whirling with options.  I am at a time in my life that I can completely change it.  I moved to this town 8 years ago to help take care of my mother.  Now Mom is gone.  My son is not happy in school, I'm not really happy with our whole school district's ranking and policies.  I've done some research on the Net and found a school district about an hour away from my ranch that is rated exemplary in every school in that district.  I even drove there yesterday and looked at houses, and found one that is perfect.  I want to sell my house and move up there, but I've heard that a person should never make extreme decisions like this within 6 months of a life-altering event (Mom's death).  What to do, what to do....  For what it's worth, all my family thinks it's a great idea.  The medical aspect scares me.  While there are fabulous hospitals less than an hour away, my specialist is in Houston, which is a four hour drive.  Completely do-able for my six month checkups, but what about in the event of an emergency?  Much more thought and research need to be done.  And, of course, a consultation with my doc at my checkup later this month.  Any worsening of my condition would surely put the kabosh on any moving plans.  I suppose we will see...

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Miscellaneous

Just rambling thoughts.  School is back in session here, so summer playtime is over.  The latest hurricane decided at the last minute to hit Mexico and not the Texas coast.  The European heat wave has killed so many people that morgues are full.  Yes, I read the daily paper.  When I haven't got a juicy novel to dive into, I like to read any information I can get.  My son lost another tooth.  That's two this month, and I thought that at 13 he had lost all he was supposed to lose.  He missed his dental appt when he was at camp, but when I called to cancel, I was told it will take 2 months to get another appt.  I think I will find another dentist.

I had a dream while napping today.  I dreamed that I was looking at a house to buy down here, when through a convoluted series of events (you know how dreams are) my Mom appeared and told me No, to get out of this part of the state, go up to the Hill County to the fresh air.  This is only the third time I've dreamed about her since her death.  While I am not a nutcase about supernatural things, I'd like to think I have her blessing for moving on.

Health remains good.  I read another diary entry and a quote from there has really stuck with me:  "It's do-able if I have the will".  That's pretty much how my life is now.  If I want to do something bad enough, I do it.  I might sleep all day long the next day, but I'm still accomplishing things.  Tonight is a swim team party.  While I can no longer swim, I can still eat hotdogs!

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What if?

The swim party was a great success.  My son received his coveted trophy, and the food was great.  The party was at one of the local pools, and while the kids played, I visited with friends and other parents.  One of the lifeguards caught my eye.  He could have been a dead ringer for the first love of my life, DC.  When I was in high school, I was thin, beautiful, and a majorette with the band. DC was hunky, tan, and a football player.  We were the king and queen of our world.  I broke his heart so many times that I think he was secretly relieved when I left to go to college.  We both moved on with our lives, that was that, and twenty-something years have passed.  Do you ever play the game "What if?"  What if I hadn't gone to college, had married DC, stayed in my hometown, etc..etc...  The diffences in my life I can only begin to imagine.  However, I know that it is totally wrong to dwell on the past.  It can not be changed.  I do love my life, despite having this terrible disease.  How many totally healthy people can say that?  So, in the long run, memories are sweet but life, and lessons learned, are sweeter.

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Hot Air

Saturday was a day for a new adventure.  We went to a hot air balloon festival.  We went late in the afternoon when the temps had cooled down, and it was delightful.  There were balloons of every shape and size, from a Holstein cow to a can of "Oust" air deodorant.  These things really fly!  What engineering knowledge and imagination those designers must have!  At sundown, we witnessed a 'balloon glow'.  This is when the balloon operators shoot fire up into their balloons, thereby making them glow in the dark.  It was truly an awesome sight.  There was a carnival midway atmosphere, with lights and music everywhere, art and craft booths, and things to entertain little kids.  There was a rock-climbing wall that my son climbed and reached the top (his third wall this summer).  After corndogs and kettle corn, we decided it was time to go.  I made it through the whole event without having to sit down.  I was rather proud of myself.  I've been dragging today, though - I guess it's delayed reaction or fatigue settling in.  It's going to be an early night tonight.  I'm going to a wedding this next weekend and I need to find a fancy dress to wear in my new little size.  How does one dress up a Flolan pump?  This will take some imagination of my own.  A glitzy beaded bag, perhaps?

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Random thoughts

I went to a wedding last weekend.  It was the most beautiful, love- and joy-filled wedding I've ever been to, and that includes my own.  How wonderful that these two people have the rest of their lives to live, love and be happy together.  Do you remember those days?  How full of optimism we were.  Dreams, hopes, etc.

Reading that paragraph, I sound bitter.  I'm sorry, I'm not.  While it's true that I've had bad times in my life, overall I think I've had a good life.  I just hate like hell that it sounds like it's all over.  There will never be another wedding for me.  I even wonder if there will ever be another significant other.

Melancholia has set in.  I had another Flolan incident last Monday (Labor Day), with the leaking tubing, out of Flolan, yellow, etc.  and this one kicked my butt and put me down for two days.  I finally got up enough energy to go to the grocery store today, but that was all.

My son's guinea pig died today of an upper respiratory infection.

I'm just a regular little Mary Sunshine, aren't I?

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Glorious Days

We are finally experiencing some autumn weather!  After weeks of intermittant whiny rain, a cold front finally pushed through, and the days have been beautiful.  I took the top off my Jeep Saturday, grabbed a friend and cruised around for a while, soaking up the sun and watching the bay.  It was really nice - temps were in the high 70's (cool for here) and there was not a cloud in the sky.  It's warming back up, though, and the mosquitoes are about to carry us away.  All the rain brought forth the biggest mosquitoes I've seen this side of Alaska.  Needless to say, we're all staying inside most of the time, the dog is current on her hearworm medicine, and the cats are hanging out with us, too.  It's hard to fight the pull of the outside sunshine, though.

My specialist's appointment has been postponed until Sept. 29th.  I've been feeling good, though, after the blue period a couple of weeks ago.  Could that have been cyclic depression?  Maybe just a lack of sunshine.

My older sister came into town yesterday to check out things with Mom's estate.  It was so good to see her!!!!  It was also good to see life and light in Mom's house.  It's been so closed up, hot and dark.  Not Mom's house at all.  She always loved the light.  Anyway, my sister should be here for a week at least.  This morning we went out for breakfast together and it was sooooooo great to be able to do that.  As close as we three sisters are, we've never lived in the same town.  Isn't that strange?

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Living Things

It's time to introduce you to the newest member of our little family.  Last month  my son and I had to make a late night dash to the pet store to buy some bedding for his guinea pig.  When we walked in the door, just to the right of the door was a cage with a tiny gray kitten in it.  I could not resist - I asked if I could pick it up.  I did, and she was so tiny!  She could sit in my hand.  I thought she was awfully young to be away from her mother, and when I looked into her mouth, she had no teeth but her canines.  It turns out she was barely 5 weeks old.  All she had in the cage to eat was dry food and water.  She was just a tiny gray pouff of skin and bones and couldn't even get up the strength to meow.  She would open her mouth, but no meow would come out.  Well, to make a long story short, I offered $10 for the kitten (they were asking $30) and they said "Sold!"  I bought her some soft kitten formula canned cat food, some toys and a litter box, and this little bitty kitty came home with us.  She did not move for two days.  I would mix a little milk in with her canned food, and she would eat four times a day.  After we'd had her three days, she finally was able to meow.  The next day the race began.  Now, a month later, she is a running tumbling blur racing through the room.  My older calico cat has no use for her, but my younger cat, who is about 3, plays with her and licks her like he was her mother.  Sort of like an indulgent bachelor uncle cat, I guess. 

I guess I am stereotyping myself.  Here I am, becoming an old single woman with a lot of cats.... hmmm...scary.

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Beach Day

It has been so enjoyable having my sister down here for a visit!  She leaves tomorrow for Tennessee, and I sure hate to see her go.  Last Saturday she and I took my son (13) and her grandson (11) to the coast.  Well, actually we headed out to go to a special restaurant that had a "rain forest jungle ride" in it.  We rode the ride, ate fresh seafood, then it just didn't seem right to not hit the beach.  SO... next stop was a souvenier shop for shorts, tanks, towels, chairs and water.  Oh yeah, we had to get the boys a boogie-board.  We hit the beach around 3 pm and it was absolutely wonderful.  While the temp was hot, the breeze off the gulf was heavenly.  The sand felt good, the shell hunting was good, and I even waded around a little.  Needless to say, we all had a blast.  We got some good sun and headed home happy and exhausted.  It took me most of Sunday to recover, but it made an excellent memory!

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Fate

Who can begin to imagine the bizarre and shocking things that fate has in store for us.  If I were somebody else, I would accuse myself of making this up, but this has really been a shocking week.  My son's uncle  (ex-husband #2's brother) committed suicide.  No reason given or known.  It has been a hard and painful lesson for my son to learn, but I think he was handling it pretty well. Then on the way to the funeral, a cousin stopped on the highway to help a stranded motorist, and while he was out of the car, a truck hit his parked car, killing his wife.  That side of the family is just shattered.  I went to visit the ex-family, and did my mourning, too.  Then this morning I get a call that informs me that ex-husband #3 has gone psychotic and is currently hospitalized pending drug rehab.  Seems he got a little too fond of his medications.

All this and my sister is still having trouble coming to grips with my Mom's death.  I sit here in the peaceful Zen of my home that I have tried so hard to create, but the real world keeps knocking on the glass.

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Moaning and groaning

You know when you open the refrigerator door and find nothing but 5 eggs, a Flolan cassette, and a box of cream cheese that you have to go to the grocery store.  This is a chore that I dread more than any other.  It takes a long time, hurts my feet, wears me out, and costs too much!  Of course, if I did it more often, I wouldn't have to get so much stuff at one time...  However, the weekend is coming up and we have decided it's going to be a calm restful one.  That means lots of videos, lots of munchies, no eating out, etc.  I think we've done enough traveling and undergone enough stress for a while.  Plus my eight-month checkup dr. appt. is Monday and I can appear fresh as a daisy for the doc.  Of course I realize that I'm not fooling the doctor.  Test results will tell the tale.

The kitten continues to grow.  Her legs are doing most of the growing, giving her the appearance of a rabbit.  She is currently sitting on my feet as I type, and who would think that a little ball of warm fluff would feel so good on bare feet?

I have put off the grocery shopping long enough.  Must get to it.

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T U R N I N G C A R T W H E E L S

Hello, world!  It's Oct. 1, the day that to me is the start of the holiday season!!!!  Yes, I've already been to the store and bought pumpkin things, skeleton things, and my son's hideous mask.  I love the fall!  The weather has been just beautiful, and I'm here to feel it.  Evidently I will be here to feel it for quite a while.  Test results?  I don't think it could get any better.

Echo - PAP down from 85 to 70!!!  The tech had to call in a doctor to check the reading, because he couldn't believe it could have gone down that much.  But it did!  Also the right heart enlargement has subsided a little.  Cardiac output was 4.5.  Not bad.

Walk test - 1575 feet.  That beats my old record of 1345 when I thought I was a thoroughbred.  Hey, that old test was the first walk I'd done that I hadn't had to stop to rest.  Anyway, this walk was done with no O2 (room air), me starting at 99% O2 and never desaturating below 93%.  I wasn't even breathing hard at the end.

I feel so blessed and have given many thanks.  My doctor wrote "excellent" at the bottom of my evaluation sheet.

Good health and great weather.  Can it get any better?

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