I had a dentist appointment today and I have to start flossing every day.  I will admit, I never do it, it bothers my teeth and I hate doing it.  I agreed with Connie (hygienist) that I would floss every day for a week and then go back and see her next Wednesday to see how my gums look.  She doesn't think they are swollen because of my medicine, she thinks it's cause I don't floss and I believe she is right.  I hope to be able to fix this problem because I'd like to have nice looking healthy gums again.  Sometime between my appt and 10pm I chipped my front tooth.  It's not that noticeable but it still pisses me off because it's kinda slanted sideways.  Atleast I'm going back next week and I can get the dentist to file it straight again.

James Frey was on Larry King Live tonight.  I wanted to go over there and give him a big fat hug.  He looked so stressed, and he admitted that this has been a hard week for him.  It's been a hard week for me too, it's been driving me crazy.  He said about 5 percent of the book was embellished a little.  18 pages out of 4 hundred and whatever.  I don't care anymore.. I like Frey, and I loved his book.  He did say that he will not be writing any more books about himself though, which kinda sucks because I liked reading about his life.  Oh well... he wrote 2 damn good books, fiction or non fiction, they were damn good and I'm sure he has helped tons of people out there with addiction problems.

Stay strong James... Hold On!!

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And so another week rolls by.  Wes has been working tons of overtime lately and hasn't had a day off in about 14 days, except for today.  He worked downstairs all day though, so it wasn't a relaxing kinda day.  I got some stuff done around here too, and it feels good working around the house.  I wish I could do more, but I don't know how to do any of the stuff Wes is doing downstairs.  When I read the things people say here at phc, or at pha (if I go there, which I usually don't because their website is too slow and drives me insane,) I can't relate with anyone.  I don't feel the side effects, the shortness of breath, I hardly even feel sick at all.  I'm definatly not complaining but it's just I feel stuck in the same old rut.  I've been out of work for almost a year , really it's been 2 years (not gonna explain that again) and I feel useless.  It's not that I sit around here day after day doing nothing, but more than less, I do and I need to stop.  With all the changes that have happened at work I cannot see myself going back there ever again.  I do miss it though, I miss the old place the way it was just before I left.  If I went back now I believe the stress would eat me alive.  I also can't see myself going out to find a new job.  I think that might be because I have worked at Canadian Blood Services since I was 17 and really it's been my only 'real' job.  I don't know what to do but I need to stop being so damn lazy.  I have been saying this for almost 2 years now too so I really need to get motivated..  I atleast need to find a hobby, but I can't even decide what kind of hobby I want to take on.   Lately everyone I talk to has a plan or a goal in life, of course this is how it should be, but I just can't seem to make a goal for myself.  Maybe it's because I can't see into my future, 10 or so years from now but I really do need to get some ambition.  I shouldn't be wasting my life the way I am.  It isn't right.  I remember how depressed I was before I started my anti depressants.  It was really bad.  The pills work great, I can hardly say I'm depressed anymore, but I still feel something weird brewing that isn't right.  I need to make a change.  I hate changes.

Before I started this I had just gotten out of the bath and I noticed that on the inside of both my thighs seem to be bruised.  Actually it's been like this for about 2 months now, but it seems a little darker to me right now.  I have no idea what this could possibly be from, but I have a doctor's appointment this wednesday so I'll see what the doc has to say.  I guess I'm gonna go read until my show (Intervention) comes on...  

cya

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It's late, I'm not sure if I can sleep though.  I'm wide awake and I've been sitting at this computer for a long time listening to music.  I discovered a new band that I'm really enjoying called Jack's Mannequin.  I've downloaded the whole album and it's pretty cool..

So this weekend I really wanted to get together with everyone and go out drinking, but Wes has to work again.  I feel so bad for him.  After this weekend, he will have only had one day off in 26 days.  That's just crazy.  He is going insane.  I probably won't end up doing anything either because I don't like to go out without him too much, but well see.  Next weekend were taking off and going out of town.. a much needed vacation for Wes.  Were going to Timmins, (we've both never been there) so it should be fun.  There is 6 of us going and staying at one of our friends mom's house who lives on a 1500 acre farm so were gonna go snow machining and relax in the hottub.  It'll be a good time.

I was talking with a friend who has PH the other day, and she's in California and was telling me that Sitaxsentan has been approved in the States.  I cannot wait until they hurry up and approve it here.  When my new nurse was here last week doing my blood draw, she goes "And this will be the last visist."  I'm like, uh no I don't think so lady, I've been in this trial for almost 2 and a half years now and I just signed a bunch of papers saying it was extended for another year or so.  I think she just had no clue what she was saying, but I do hope it get's approved soon.

I watched Oprah today and it was a very uncomfortable hour.  James Frey was on discussing all the crap that's been happening with the embellishments of his book.  So he is a liar.  I sat there in amazement the whole show.  For James and for Oprah.  I'm pissed that he lied, but I'm also pissed that Oprah did the show the way she did and said over and over again that she was embarrased.  Well, so what?!  We all get embarrased don't we.  She's not the queen of the world.  Why does it always have to be about Oprah?  I don't know, she does alot of good things for alot of people, but I've been disliking her more and more lately. 

On a brighter note it was Ellen Degeneres' birthday today.. (well I guess yesterday) So Happy Birthday Ellen.. and to anyone who watches the show you'll all know what I'm sayin when I give her a big "KAW"..

Oh and that'll be the last time I talk about James Frey.... :)  Have a good weekend everyone.

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The weather here today was freaken gorgeous.  It was 11 degrees and everything was melting again.  When Wes got home from work we actually were outside on our deck having a beer in short sleeves!  Hahha.. You have to understand that just doesn't happen here in Northern Ontario at the end of January!  This has been the warmest winter I can remember.  Well actually we haven't really had much of a winter yet.  We've only had about 5 really cold days and it hasn't even got to the -30's.  I am sooooo not complaining, but alot of Canadians are.  Alot of snowmobiling Canadians that is.  They want snow.  It actually does suck for them, because they have to buy a trail pass (if they want to ride the trails) and it's very expensive and you can't get your money back either.  So none of the trails are in good condition this year because we hardly have any snow, and no one trusts the ice on the lakes.  Oh well.  I'm lovin it!!  It's probably just a tease though...

Can't wait for summer over here!!! 

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I feel like hell right now.  I had a really good weekend out of town, on the last day we had a major snowstorm and got snowed in for an extra day.  We haven't had this much snow for about 25 years, according to my dad.  There are some places that snowbanks are 10 feet high.  It's just ridiculous.  And what a change to my last entry where I was talking about nice hot weather.... the very next day after that it snowed for 3 straight days.  Then a week goes by and we got dumped on again.  I hope that's it for the snow.

So I don't know what's wrong with me but my head and everything inside it feels like it's gonna explode.  My left ear is blocked, and I'm pretty sure I'm getting an ear infection, my throat hurts sooooo bad that my voice has literally changed and I can hardly swallow.  I won't get graphic because that's just nasty but my uvala (the little hanging thingy in the back of your throat) is super swollen and if I clear my throat too hard it honestly feels as if I'm gonna rip something right outta my throat.  This sucks ass.  I'm going to the clinic as soon as Wes gets home.  I hate that they have a hard time prescribing things to me because of the ph, but I'm hoping they give me something to take care of this.  Ughhh.. I just wanna sleep and wake up when I feel good again.

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I have strep throat.  Ughh.  I've never had this before but it sucks.  I feel like I'm in a big fog too because the only thing I can hear is the high pitched buzzing that keeps letting me know that both my ears are blocked.  I went to the clinic last night and they put me on anti biotics, thank god.  Usually when I go to the clinic the minute I tell them I have PH that's all they want to talk about.  Anyways I've been sleeping for days, not a comfortable sleep at all, because I can't close my mouth because my nose is all stuffed up and so I wake up with my mouth dry and full of sick shit.  I've been home for 3 days but it only feels like 1 because I haven't done anything.  Yesterday I thought I was feeling better so I had a shower and got ready, but by the time I was done that I was exhausted and went back to bed.  I really need to get my house cleaned, Charly is shedding more than anything and I haven't vaccumed so it's really bad.  Oh well.  I guess it will have to wait till I'm better.  Hopefully that's tomorrow though..

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Sunday..ughh..  How I hate Sundays.  I'm still sick, my throat feels a little better but both of my ears have been completely blocked for the past 3 days and it's driving me literally insane.  I can't stand this feeling.  The pressure I have from them being blocked makes my head hurt and I just want them to unblock soooooooo bad.  I guess I might have to go back to the clinic again, but I know there's nothing they'll be able to do.  When I went last week the doctor said my ears looked fine and so she didn't give me anything for them.  Well I found some eardrops here (because I always have these stupid ear problems) and they expire in 2009 so I decided to use them.  I hope it starts working.  I'm not even sure why I'm writing in here, the only thing I have to talk about is complain about my ears...  I'm sitting here bored, Wes and his mom are gone to the casino for abit and I wanted to make chili, but he made a spaghetti sauce and used up all the diced tomatoes so now I have to wait.  There's nothing on TV, I started a new book last night but it's not "catching" me right away so I doubt it will be a good one, and I have nothing to do...   Ok then, enough whining.. I'm out.

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Okay so I probably shouldn't be in here writing anything right now, because I have nothing nice to say.  I probably shouldn't even press submit when I'm done but I think I will because I just don't care.  I'm annoyed, pissed off, discusted, upset, miserable, any other word that comes to mind meaning bitchy and negative, I am.  For no good reason either.  My ears are still blocked and that's probably a good part of it.. I'm ready to seriously rip them off... that or either tomorrow when I go back to the clinic demand a freaken hearing aid.  I can't handle it anymore.  I want to be pissed off at someone but there is no one to be pissed off at so I'm just pissed at the world right now.  Charly is shedding like a freaken biatch and I can't handle it anymore.  I think I'm getting ready to have a nervous breakdown.  I think I also remember feeling this same way last year.  Reading all the positive stuff on this board makes me sick to my stomach.  Today there hasn't been anything I've done, or that anyone else has done that has made me happy.  I hate my life, I seriously do.  I wish sometimes I were never born.  I had an awesome childhood and I wish I could have stayed being a kid forever.  Growing up sucks.  Getting old sucks.  Getting sicks sucks and I'm sick of dealing with it.   I don't even know what else to do or say so that's it.

:(:(:(:(

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So my grandma has 9 months to live.  So they say.  It'll be quicker than that though, it always is.  She was diagnosed today with lung cancer.  Never smoked a day in her life though.  My grandpa will most likely go after her, I don't see how he will be able to cope without her.  Life fu#^en sucks.

:(

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Today is the first day of spring..  Nice. I wish all the snow would melt.  It's taking a long time.. I guess I have to be patient.

I just got home from London... had a really good appt.  I once again beat my 6 minute walk time.  I did 625 which is about as close to normal as I think I can do.  I actually felt like I wanted to stop this time, but there would be no way in hell I'd stop until it was over.  The girls always laugh at me when I'm done because they can't believe how well I do.  They say I'm very competitive. haha. 

My grandma is in the hospital right now.  She's been having alot of tests done and on Wednesday she goes for another biopsy and then Thursday, she has a brain and bone scan.  She does have 3 large masses on her lung, and they are growing rapidly.  Last friday her doctor was rethinking his diagnosis of lung cancer.  Who knows.  She had no symptoms as of last weekend, but yea, on friday she had shortness of breath and back pain, so she went to emerge.  She was given an IV with lasix because there was alot of fluid around her lungs and after that started working, she felt better again.  But today is a new day, and she feels shitty again.  I don't know.

I have something on my mind, something that happened last friday night, which I can't talk to anyone about.  Not Wes, none of my friends or family, none of you guys, no one.  Uhh.  I don't know what to do.. I really can't say more than that.  So I'll stop.

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I'm in a pretty good mood right now.  It's friday after all =)  Yeah, and I just got back from my cardiologist appt and it was awesome.. as was my appt in London, but I got the results of my echo today and my pressures are at 54.  Sooo cool.  I can't believe it.  My last echo they read 80 something..  So that's good news for sure.  My doc and I were talking and he told me that Dr. Labonte (another cardiologist in my town) recently tried to "claim" me as his patient.  I seen him while I was in the hospital getting diagnosed back in 03.  He did an physical exam on me and that was IT. Also, he was a complete ass.  In the end, I got to pick which cardiologist I wanted, and no I didn't pick him.  I have no idea where he gets off thinking I was ever a "patient" of his. 

I went and seen my grandma in the hospital the other day, and it was kinda freaky because she was in 'my' old room.  God that was weird.  Brought back some shitty memories.  She's doing alright though, she's probably gettin released on sunday, because they just put her on coumadin, so we all know what that's about.  Oh and that reminds me, I gotta phone the pharmacy cause I'm outta pills..

Later--

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Tim

So today I check the webboard and read the horrible news.  I did not think this would happen to Tim.   I am terribly sad.  I thought for sure that he would get his transplant and do fine.  So I read the news, and after that didn't feel like doing anything today, so I went back to bed.  I had a dream that Tim and I met in a cafe restaurant type place.  At first I was crying and sad because even though he was in the cafe, he was 'gone', yet I was still able to sit with him.  He called me over and we cried for abit, we talked about how awful PH is, how unfair it is that it took his life at 26.  He was happy though.  He was smiling.  We drank a beer together and laughed at the end.  I woke up and was shocked.  This really is unfair, and devastating, and Annie I am so sorry for your loss.  I can only hope that things are better for him now and that he is breathing easier.  I have a very hard time hearing the words "he is in a better place now", but maybe, just maybe this is true.

RIP Tim.

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It's been awhile since I've written.  I wanted to update about my grandma.  After all, she does not have lung cancer.  They still don't know what the mass is they found on her lung, but it is not cancerous.  What kind of doctor jumps to a conclusion and gives someone a death sentance so fast.  Well I guess there are alot of doctors out there like that..  She is doing pretty good..  She was given the option of having major surgery (I forget the name of it exactly, but it's where they spread apart your ribs and remove the mass on the lung) but she chose not to do that, she is going to wait 3 months and see if it has grown or not.  They put her on coumadin for now.. It's funny how much my grandma and I have in common.

One of my best friends called the other day and I hadn't heard from her in awhile.  No good news there.  The past 2 months she has been to hell and back.  She had been passing out alot and finally after every test in the book, they tell her she had a heart problem.  A serious one at that, she doesn't know if it has a name, but her heart is beating too slow, and making her pass out.  Christy is my age, 26, and now has a pacemaker.  She is also on coumadin and they told her there is no cure for whatever she has, this will eventually get worse and she will need a heart transplant, or she will die.  Uhh.  Ironic how much more I have in common with her too now.  Crazy shit..

On a brighter note, today's thursday, but really it's friday because of the long weekend..Easter is sunday, which is also my birthday, so we're gonna go out tomorrow night and celebrate.  Happy bday to me.  :)

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Oh god it's 6:36am right now and we got woken up about an hour ago by sirens and flashing lights.  There were 6 firetrucks lining my street and cops everywhere.. It was quite a scene.. All but one firetruck and one cop car remains..  It was weird, I'm gonna have to talk to my neighbors to find out what happened.... or see if this makes the news..  We didn't see any fire, but all the firemen were wearing they're masks and I seen them reeling out the hose.. I don't know what happened.. I know the resident wasn't there, because I heard them on their radio trying to get him to come home.. Right now now they are standing outside getting a statement I assume.. Crazy way to wake up.. I can't imagine if there was a fire, and actually being woken up like that.. Scary..

My birthday and easter was awesome.  We went to my parent's house and had dinner..  Actually it was short and sweet, see my grandma almost died friday night and is back in the hospital again.. no news there yet.. she is doing much better now though, so right after supper everyone went to the hospital to visit..  My absolute favorite birthday gift is this beautiful necklace my mom got from the states, and it's from Alex's Lemonade jewellery collection.  For those who are interested go to www.alexslemonade.com.  Such a beautiful necklace and the storyline behind it is for a good cause..

Anyways, it's late, or early, and I need to get back to sleep..  They finally turned off their water pump thing out there so it's a little more quiet... hmmm I wonder what happened.. Anyway's I'm off.

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I've been going through hell since Friday.  I get a call from Janet that day saying that my bloodwork was returned to them, and it showed that I am pregnant.  That of course is how it all started.  So the whole weekend we sat there in shock, pretty much in disbelief.  Then Monday comes and I get millions upon millions of phone calls, from Janet, doctors, nurses, this girl at the options clinic at the hospital here in town..  I have been kicked outta the Sitaxsentan clinical trial.  I had to stop that pill and warfarin as of yesterday.  That killed me.  I spent the day at the hospital yesterday (originally I had called them and booked an appt but it was scheduled for May 16th and when Dr Mehta found out about that they wouldn't have it.)  Some people may get pissed off at me for what I am gonna do, but whatever.. I don't have any other choice.  I had to call for an abortion, it was either that or me basically ending my life right.. so yesterday at Memorial I got tons of blood work, ultrasound, and spoke with a nurse who told me that something was wrong with my ultrasound and also that they would not or could not perform the abortion in townbecause of my medical history, I'll have to go to London because Dr. Mehta wants to be there and he is making sure a gynecologist does this, as only family doctors do it in Sudbury.  They found a large cyst on my ovary, (9cm) and do not know what it is, but I was told if I have any pain at all on my left side to get over to the ER.  This all scares the crap outta me.  So I have an appt in London just for a consultation next Wednesday, then the following Wednesday I have to head back over there for surgery... (abortion/removal of this cyst/ and I am getting my tubes tied.)  Ughhh.  I am very scared and I just want this to be over so I can go back on my pills.. They said since I will be having this procedure shortly, they will let me go back on asap.  I'm still afraid they will change their minds on that though.  Anyway I probably left stuff out that I wanted to say, but I cannot remember right now and I have to go lie down.

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I just got back from my consultation appt in London.  I was at the hospital from 8am till 130.  I can't believe how many doctor's and nurses that I seen.  I had many tests, bloodwork, blood gases, ECG, chest xray, oh now that I think about it that's all, but the main thing I guess was discussing this surgery and my ph.  Surgery is on Wednesday, and they are keeping me overnight, incase I need oxygen.  During the surgery, (which I am NOT looking forward to) at first I will have to put these 2 pills on either side of my cheeks and let them dissolve.. so right away that's not a good thing for me, because they already told me these pills taste horrible and I am not good at letting pills dissolve in my mouth.  I remember when I had my heart cath and they gave me an adavan, I almost threw up because of the taste.  I can't imagine what's gonna happen with these because I have to start fasting at midnite before surgery so I won't even get to wash my mouth out after those pills.. ughh.. Ok so after that I am told I will start having major cramps, but I'm not sure if I will already be asleep or not.  So if I'm not, they'll start my IV, also putting in an arterial line again so they can moniter me better or whatever that's for.. I just remember they did the same thing when I had my wisdom teeth out and it was all because of the ph..  After I'm asleep they will perform the abortion, then, they will insert a breathing tube and do the tubal ligation.  They will be doing that by 3 little holes around my belly button, one for the light, 2 for their instruments, and they will be giving me carbon dioxide so my belly puffs up so they can work better.   Yuck.  The whole thing is only supposed to take about 45 minutes.  Then I spend 2 hrs in recovery and I guess then I'm off to my room.  Ughh.. I can't wait until this is over and I'm feeling better.  I'm going to be so scared on Wed.  They kept telling me, this is a very low risk surgery, but you are a very high risk patient...  Yeah yeah..  I know I am.  God I want it to be over so I can start enjoying summer.  Another dilemma I have right now is I was supposed to have my appt for the clinical trial on Monday, and Janet phoned me today and said apparently I still need to go to this appt.  I don't know how, or if that's gonna happen, because I can't get back to London for Monday.  Damn.. I told her if I would have known this yesterday I would have just stayed there for the week.  Ughh... So I don't know what will happen there yet...  Anyways, I'm off, wish me luck for Wednesday..

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So it's all over now.  What a crazy month it was..  I'm glad it's done.  I was really scared about the surgery, but it went well.  They do thing's so different in London.  So much better.   The operating room scared the crap outta me though, it was so big and cold and there were like 8 or 9 people in there and I just kept thinking, I can't wait til they put me out.  I of course started crying in there, but I surprised myself and my mom by not even really being too nervous before.  I woke up in the recovery room and was in alot of pain, so they gave me morphine and then Tylenol 3's.  I didn't have to stay the night, and the rest of the day I wasn't even that sore.  The next day was killer though.  They said one of the side effects would be shoulder pain, because when they blow you up with carbon dioxide, I guess the gases sit in your shoulders, well the first night I could only sleep on my back, and when I woke up then next day I felt like I had been hit by a mack truck.  Every muscle in my body ached.  It was awful.  I mean I seriously couldn't even walk.  You should have seen me trying to get up from the couch, or trying to sit down anywhere.  I felt like I was 100 years old.  Day by day though it went away, and I'm feeling pretty good now.  I still have alot of pain in my belly button, and it looks pretty gross, but it's healing..  Thank god it's over!  I was allowed to go back on Sitaxsentan the day after surgery, thank god for that as well!  I'm still off my warfarin, I think I'll be able to go back on it tomorrow, so I think I'm gonna take advantage of that and go and get another piercing tonight. :) 

This weekend is Victoria Day weekend, (long weekend) and it's always our first camping weekend of the year.  Everyone is super excited for Friday.  We're leaving at 11:30 and won't be back till Monday sometime.  Can't wait! =)

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Holy god...its been waaaaaaaay too long.  I occasionally stop in to see whats goin on on the webboard, but havent read anyones diary or written one in ages!  I guess I've been busy...doing what I'm not sure, because nothings really changed in my life..let's see.. last time I wrote was in May..hahha.. so had a good summer, we didnt really stop all summer so it was fun.  Did tons of camping and fishing, and hanging out with friends.  And now it's december.  Hard to believe really... time is just flying.  My house is all decorated and my presents are wrapped and under the tree.  I just got that done the other day though, up until then I had nothing bought.  I just have a few small items left to buy, and then I can relax..  I babysat my cousins baby on Monday and she is getting so big and she's just prescious.  She'll be 2 in January, and I bought her a cabbage patch kid for xmas.... but damn those things are ugly these days!  I only had one when I was young, but I don't remember them being that ugly.   haha.. well I got her the newborn one, so she's not that bad.  Her mom used to have millions of them, so I figure Jessica can start up a collection too. :)

I'm doing awesome as far as health, my last appointment was in November and my doctor moved me from a stage 2 to a stage 1.  Pretty amazing.  I did feel like I was gonna die after my 6 minute walk, but whatever....I push myself and I can only go so fast until I'm actually running.  I think I did 623 that time.  Awesome.  I'm still in this clinical trial, who knows when it will be approved, but atleast this drug is working......its doing wonders actually.  The only thing I have been noticing lately is I have been getting dizzy... which is an awful feeling.  It usually only happens if I forget to take my pills, so I just have to stop forgetting to take them.

Wes is good, been working alot, so nothing new there.   Charly is good also, and I'm quite happy because she hasnt shed in a long time ( I mean she sheds, but not bad) and she actually let me cut her nails for the first time in a year the other day...(she gets her nails cut often but not by me, by the vet) so yeah. i was happy.. hahaa..

Well I gotta get supper on, just thought I'd throw in an update..hope you all are doing great and have a wonderful christmas!!!!

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I had an amazing christmas this year.  Amazing.  Everything went perfectly and the time spent with everyone was nice :)

We've done lots of family get togethers and I just loooooove spending time with Jessica... she is the cutest baby ever.  I should actually post a picture, I took tons the last 2 days.

Right now I'm sitting in my living room, no lights on except my christmas tree's lit, and I found this cute channel that bell expressvu put on just for today ... the screen is a fire place with the fire a roarin and there's christmas carols playing.  It's peaceful and cozy and perfect for today.  I love it.   :)

Wes just went out for an hour (to the casino) with my mom and my aunt so I'm gonna go lay on my couch and do nothing.. :)  I love that too.

I hope every single one of you had a great holiday.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

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I can't sleep so I got up and here I am.  hhhahha.  We went to a friends camp this weekend (saturday til today) for new years.  We had our party saturday night instead of last night because most people couldnt make it last night, and that was fine with us.  The party was fun and we just relaxed and didnt do too much yesterday.  My poor fish died over the weekend sometime.. he was old, but I should have brought the lil guy to my parents, but I didn't, I left his plant off the vase, with enough food in there so he could eat for 2 days.  It was either old age, or he was lost without the plant.  I feel really bad.... I said I wasn't gonna get another one after that one died, but if I go out tomorrow I'm gonna pick one up.  poor lil guy.  It's almost ridiculous to get sad over losing a 3 dollar fish, but I do.  Ah well..

I have alot of cleaning to do this week...I gotta get all my christmas decorations down and my tree put away, and the presents where they belong.  I have seriously been so lazy everytime I'm home lately, and I need to snap outta that too.  Hopefully this week is productive.

Everyone in Northern Ontario is talking about the weather.. this was the first green christmas AND green new years eve/day we've had in something like 20 years... It's been so mild.  It was kinda funny to see open water at camp....that NEVER happens this time of year.  I'm lovin it.  Actually I don't mind a little bit of snow because it makes things look pretty, but I love this mild winter.  It's scary though.....  hopefully it doesnt come too late because then we might still have snow in July.  This global warming issue sure is gonna get serious in a couple decades and I'm kinda glad I won't be around to experience what's gonna happen with all of it. 

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We've finally got our winter up here.  The snow has stayed.. I guess that's a good thing, it was bound to stay sooner or later.  There is still not even snow to ride the snowmachine trails, which is weird, but I'm sure it will come soon.  It's been cold too.. I really can't wait for spring :) haha

My grandma's only remaining brother passed away ( I believe today.)  He had cancer.  I only met him about 4 times, 3 of those times out at camp when I was much younger and the last time he came up was for my grandma's funeral.  My dad, one of his brothers , one of his sisters and I are going up to London Tuesday for the funeral.  I have a few cousins who I haven't seen in years, and I'm kind of excited to see them..........even though this isn't a time to be excited, it will most likely be the last chance I have to get back in touch with them, so.....can I say I'm looking forward to it?  I am.  It is sad that Barry died though.  I guess in a way he's no longer suffering so that's reassuring.  They didn't expect him to make it til November..

I also have to go back to London on Feb. 12th for my next appointment.  It's too bad that I couldnt do it this week.  This is the first winter they've ever made me go up.. usually I get the winter ''off''.  I don't know why they're making me go... perhaps because the weather has been good.  Oh well. :)

r.i.p uncle Barry.

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I just got back from my cardiologist appt. and I'm pretty happy.  My pressures (read from the echo) are down to 46........almost normal.  :D  I can't even believe that!  My doctor is impressed and happy as well.  He said he doesn't believe he's ever seen such a drastic change of pressures.   In 2003 it was at 120.  Now 46!  Sitaxsentan is my miracle drug.

Feelin really good :)

Also very excited that daylight saving time starts this weekend.  Summer's coming!!!!!

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Sitaxsentan

Yep, I've said it before and I'll say it again... it's my miracle drug.  It has be to that that's making me feel this good.  Cheryl asked me to tell you guys all what medications I'm taking and while that being the only PH med, I also take Norvasc, Warfarin, Digoxin and Effexor....for the non existant depression.  :)   (I'm just too scared to wean myself off of that one because you never know I guess, I may get that 'down' feeling again if I come off it.)  But I have never felt so good.  I cannot wait to see Dr. Mehta in May to see what he has to say about my pressure being at 46.  To me, it's unbelievable.  I've been on this clinical trial for nearly 2 years.  I can't wait for it to be approved finally, and they say it's near the end, but I have no idea when that 'end' will be.  They've been saying this for a long time now and it's still not even approved in the states, so who knows about Canada.  I do know that they don't require all the same testing as they did in the beginning of the trial......they don't require the 6 minute walks every 3 month visit anymore (but Dr. Mehta still wants me to do them because as we all know it tells alot on how we're really feeling and doing)  they don't require the ECG or the urine analysis every 3 months either.  So I figure it must be almost done.  This drug is truly amazing and I've never talked to anyone else who's currently in the trial, but I sure hope they're getting as good results as I am.

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OOoops I made a slight mistake in my previous entry.  I said that I was on sitaxsentan for 2 years.... well that was wrong, it will be 3 years this may.  I guess time just flies!

I should also add that all along I have always known it was the actual medicine and not the placebo.... I joined a part of the trial that told me I would be taking the medication itself.

Have a great day and I hope everyone is feeling well. :))

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Africam

So last night I found the most amazing website ever.  It's a live camera in the jungle or somewhere in Africa that shows its on the internet.  I am addicted.  My mom called me last night at 11pm to tell me about this, and I watched for over 3 hours.  At night they show just a water pond, and there's not too much action, but in the daytime you see all kinds of animals and they do the panoramic view thing!!!  I've already seen zebras, elephants, wildebeasts and a hyena!!!!  Seriously it's amazing!  I'm hooked!  And you will be too so I'm giving you guys the info on where to go to find this.  go to africam.com, and once your there on the left hand side click on Nkorho stream and it will load for you in a few seconds.  I'm watching right now and its almost dawn there, so I'm anxiously awaiting they're morning so I can see some animal footage.  It's truly amazing and I encourage you all to check it out!  You need windows media player for it to load.   good luck and have fun!  It's worth it!

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