Diary Index

Patient Diary -- Kerry Moran
Caregiver for my wife, Mickey Moran

Sunday, March 04, 2001

Well,here I am - - could somebody, please, tell me where in H*** here is? Just kidding... It's 6:45 in the morning and Mickey is asleep finally. She's been having a lot of trouble doing this lately. We went to Iowa City again this past Friday. We had an appointment with the shrink. He asked her how she thought she was doing and she told him "150% better than I used to". After that we went and met with our nurse, Tracy, and told her that we had decided to go with the Flolan. She's gonna try and get everything set-up for Mickey to go into the hospital this week. Mickey's scared - really scared - so am I. Four months ago, she and I were going to call it quits and divorce. Now, we're closer than we've been during any of our 12+ years of marraige and that's good. I used to think that living without her would be easy - yeah,sure! I can't imagine what life would be like without her - she's my rock, or was. Now I have to be the rock for her! This could be really interesting considering my "problems" We went to a meeting on magnetic therapy the other night at one of Mickey's aunts house. Her Dad really is into this and believes in it. P.T. Barnum said "There's a sucker born every day" - - the magnetic people have found their's!!!!! The guy giving the seminar tried telling us that the therapy could cure acne and even tried to tell us that the therapy could make Mickey "all better"!!! OK!!!!!!!!!! Anyway, don't anybody worry, we didn't fall for it. The worst times for me are when the pain gets to her and she keeps asking me to help her. I get so frustrated and angry. I just want to cover her up, so the pain won't be so bad. It builds up inside of me and I feel like I'm gonna explode! I'm glad that I already see Margaret (my counselor for bi-polar) or I probably would've gone off on somebody! Well, I'm gonna end this entry - I'm finally tired enough that I think I can go to sleep. Y'all are in our thoughts and prayers. Stay safe and well, family. Later, "Keeper".

Wednesday, March 07, 2001

Well, here I am - again! I'm still not certain where here is - but I'm closer than I was!! We went to Iowa City (IC for short) again yesterday. Six trips in six weeks! We had an appointment with the social worker to determine if the support system exists or not. I guess it does. Then we had an appointment with the Hematology Clinic about her RBC elevation. We're talking with the Hematologist and, all of the sudden, this guy's talking about transplant and putting the Hickman in!!!!!!!!! Needless to say, neither of us was real settled after that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! From the looks of things, we're going to have another R heart cath (thru the leg) before they hook us up to the Flolan. She's kinda nervous about the leg cath, but we'll make it thru! She's been having a lot more chest pain lately and I'm afraid her pressures have really gone up!! But, my understanding is that you have to be prepared for ANYTHING - so I am - slowly, but I am. Sometimes I just want to scream & throw things & break things!!!!! This is just SO frustrating. I'm pretty sure that our 11 year old is doing OK with everything. Our (my) 21 year old, I'm not so sure about. His drinking is getting out of hand and that really scares me because he "comes by it naturally" - I'm a recovering for two and one-half years. Mine has been diagnosed as an attempt to self-medicate - whatever - I just know that I drank WAY too much. One minute it seems like he's doing OK and the next he's losing it. I want to help but, I know he won't let me - I've been there. Jeez, I didn't realize that I had been writing so- o-o long. Mickey just asked if I was writing a book! Well, I'll close for now. I want to thank all of my "family" members for the advice! It sure helps knowing there's somebody out there cares!!!!! 'til next pen hits paper - goodnite. K

Monday, March 12, 2001

I use to love rollercoasters - NOT anymore. I just finished reading Sher's entry from today and that beat any coaster I've ever been on! It reminded me of how fast you can go up - and then, how fast you can drop - BOOM! Well, that's kinda how things have been around here lately. Right now, we're tentatively set to go on the 19th. 9:00 AM for bloodwork; 10:30 R heart cath (OUCH - the leg this time!!!); then admission and the start of Flolan thru the IV. We're Up! Tonite my 21 year old starts to back away from his commitment. BOOM! We're Down! He is my back-up for Mickey's care!!! So now we're shakey about going ahead with the Flolan. But, we'll handle this and any other "roadblocks" that show up! Now as for Zack...that's another story! He is getting a D- in math - - his best subject! We think our stress is starting to show. He puts up a good front, but refuses to cry and curse and throw things and vent our anger - is that him - or is it us? Sometimes it seems like our whole world is crashing down towards oblivion and then, SCREECH!, we put on our brakes; grab hold of the shovel; and push our S*** back into one pile - a loose pile, but a pile none-the-less!! We'll have to deal with the 21 yr old problem tomorrow, it's too late tonite; the 11 yr old problem has to be dealt with on a daily basis; and us? - Well, we just keep chugging along! 'Til next "pen meets paper" G'nite y'all. "Keeper"

Sunday, March 18, 2001

Well, here I am - again! One difference - I'm finally figuring out where here is - I think!! It's been awhile since I last let pen hit paper. Sorry! There's been alot going on around here, to say the least. First, we've been trying to get rid of my fuzzy "children" - Skye's pups - at least the ones that are going. We started out with seven (actually, eight, but one died) - two males and five females. Now we've got the two males and one female left - anybody looking for a nice female pup? Our oldest is keeping the one male and we're keeping the other - Mickey kinda adopted him (so did the rest of us). We named him Seminole (after Mickey's heritage), his full name is Mickey's Buckskin Seminole, he's 12 weeks old and weighs - - get this - 20+ pounds!!!!!!!! Hopefully she'll (the last one) will go soon. Then, we got Mickey's wheelchair - a brand new one - ain't that neat! It really is. So, this week, we go back to Iowa City - this time for the "real" thing. We've got to be at the hospital at 9:00 Monday morning for bloodwork; followed by a second R heart cath - this timein the leg; then - oops! it depends. If her pressures are high & they attribute it to fluid, they'll leave the IV in and give her meds to draw the water off and do it on an outpatient basis; if not attributed to fluid or as soon as the fluid is gone, they'll start her on Flolan thru the IV & then switch her to the Hickman..... course, most of y'all know that! Anyway, I hope (and - yes, Ron - pray) that Mickey will have as good of results as a lot of y'all have had. Only time will tell. I think the thing that I'm most nervous about is my performance mixing , cleaning, etc. I'm afraid I'll make a mistake and mix it too thin or too heavy - but, I know Ray J., relax! Well, I've got to get a little rest before Sunday morning papers... 'Til next pen hits paper.....Keeper - - - And may God bless all of ya!

Sunday, March 18, 2001

Damn, I'm a crybaby! 'scuse my french. I got a slap in the face this morning helping Mickey with her "mail". Here I am, feeling sad and blue & boo-hooing about our problems... then I read about Diane and Teresa and..... I feel about a milimeter tall!!!!! I read the answers to Diane from other "family" members giving her support and hope and ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) - and some of them are as bad or worse off! Then, I went and read some diary entries, like Amy Jo and Teddy and Sharron, and I feel SO humble! Then I look at and think about my Sugarbear and - again - I feel humble! She's so much stronger than I am! If it were me with PH, I don't know but what I wouldn't have given up. I love her SO much and it makes me mad as hell that it took this to remind me of that fact. They say that you learn something new everyday - they ain't lying. Today, I learned that I'm not ready or willing to let her go without a fight! If PH wants a fight - it picked the wrong damned Irishman to pick one with!!!!! And I'll make that stand for anybody that needs the help - just "holler"! For now, 'til next time pen hits paper - SMILE - somebody out here loves you - ME! Keeper

Sunday, March 25, 2001

Well, here I sit - again. I'm writing this while my 21-yr-old son, Justin, is preparing Mickey's cassette for today - Oops! a little late, but that's alright. The kid who 3 months ago wanted her "dead" is preparing the meds that will make life easier for her!!!!! Aaaaahhhhhh!! He has changed SO much! In the words of the world-reknowned sage, Jerry Garcia (and, yes, the Grateful Dead!), "what a long, strange trip it's been". Boy, he knew what he was talking about! I think I trust Garcia's words 'cuz he was diabetic - and so am I!!! I've got faith that, push cum to shove, Justin wouldn't have any trouble "taking over". We're so different than a week ago! We can walk more than 20 feet without having to stop to catch our breath! Yes, my wife isn't "flirting" with everybody by being so "breathless" when she speaks - even after exertion!! My Dad is just amazed with the change. He told me that it was like talki8ng to a new woman. There is some dissention out there about Flolan and it's "addictive" properties - but, I've got my BEST half back! Hopefully, one day we'll be able to be weaned from Flolan & the pump and be put on "the pill" - but until that time, if this makes life a little bit better, than so be it! At least my baby ain't hurtin' as much as before!!!!! 'Til next pen hits paper, Keeper. Oh, I almost forgot - Thanx to all the thoughts and prayers this past week - ours back at 'cha!!

Thursday, April 05, 2001

Gosh, it's been some time since this "pen has hit this paper"! Sorry, been busy. I don't know (and I'm too lazy to check) if I've written since Mickey went on "the PUMP"! We went in the hospital and on IV Flolan on the 19th of March and "the PUMP" on the 21st. It was amazing how quickly it relieved the pressures and allowed her to breathe! They had left the Swan in her neck so that they could monitor her pressures and, boy, did they drop! We left the hospital in the wheelchair, went to the mall, and WALKED all over! That was the 1st time in about 6 months that we've gone more than 10 feet without having to stop to catch a breath! We - oops! - SHE has started cooking again and, damn, the boys & I are thrilled with that!!!!! I guess we all were getting a little bored with my limited culinary capability! Well, a couple of days ago, we started having minor chest pain and a little shortness of breath. Yesterday morning, we woke up gasping and needed the nebulizer for the 1st time since going on Flolan! We called Tracy (our nurse) and told her what had happened, she got hold of Dr. Oren, and we went up another .5mg of Flolan & lowered the rate from 87 to 81. We started that this morning. I'm really proud of Justin, my 21-yr-old! He picked-up mixing the cassettes right off! Now, he's gonna fill out an application for the MA program at UIHC. They pay for the course and you sign a contract for 3 years, which won't hurt him. Yesterday, I made a "bad"! I left a bubble about the size of a small pea in the cassette and we didn't find it until she was already hooked up to it!!!!! She was so-o-o nervous and upset - with good reason - and I was so-o-o-o-o-o disappointed in myself! I have a bad problem - I'm a perfectionist, always have been, and I'm hardest on myself. One minor error and I could've killed her!!!!! I don't make mistakes like that - I just don't. So, I made Justin prepare the cassette for today 'cuz I had a drop in confidence level. In fact, I seriously thought about not making the cassettes anymore! Than, this morning, I pulled my head out of my a__ and decided that I couldn't do that - I'd be letting Mickey down and I won't do that. So I prepared the cassette for tomorrow and, guess what?, NO BUBBLES!!!!!!!!!! So my confidence has returned! Well, we're experiencing an electrical storm and I'm gonna shut down. So, until next "pen hits paper" - Bye! Keeper

Friday, April 06, 2001

Ain't life a - oops! almost forgot that the majority of y'all ain't "bikers". No, but I think that you're all alot stronger than most bikers would be! I just finished doing two things today - #1 I just nominated my wife to be a torch carrier for the Olympic trip to Salt Lake. Heck, who knows, maybe I should nominate all of you!!!!! and #2 I just read my wife's last diary entry. Ya know, I should pay more attention to my immediate world! She had real trouble going to sleep last nite and I couldn't stay awake with her! Sometimes trying to get the house ready for HUD to inspect; delivering papers; and my diabetes just finally get to me & I gotta sleep. I guess that, sooner or later, I've got to look at the age thang too - even tho I don't want to! She is right about alot of things - like I laugh more than I ever have! I think it's because I've let go of some of my self-imposed restrictions - like hold-over PDA (Public Display of Affection - a military no-no). Heck, I like holding hands, putting my arm around her, and/or kissing her in public - who's business is it anyway!?!? Oh well!! As a sage old "biker" (me) once told ya - "Keep your wheels between the ditches, and the wind at your back..." 'Til next pen hits paper.....Keeper

Sunday, April 15, 2001

Well, first off, Happy Easter!! If you're reading this, then you're still with us!!!!!!!!!! Last nite (or yesterday) we had a near calamity! We almost could've lost Mickey!!!!! It was definitely proven at the Moran house yesterday that man's "toys" can FAIL!! We suffered a pump failure.... The pump made a funny noise yesterday morning - a single beep every 3 or 4 seconds with no error message. I shut the pump off for 1 second; restarted; and the noise was gone - problem solved! We went for lunch with her parents for Easter & some shopping and mickey got a little tired. When we got home, she went out to our "son's" to help clean-up his computer problems and whe she got home, I had to help her into the house cuz she didn't have any energy. Well, we both just thought she had overdone - again.....About midnite, she started getting REALLY sick - upset stomach, headache, etc. Then, the pump started making the noise again! So, I stopped it and restarted - just like yesterday morning and the sound stopped - for about 5 minutes and then started again. Well, I called Gentiva (our Flolan provider) and talked with the nurse there. She couldn't find an error code that was like what was going on, so we decided that I would change pumps. I got that done & Mickey finally got to sleep. When she woke up this morning, she felt alot better. The only thing we can figure is the pump was not functioning properly all day!!!!! Gentiva sent us a new pump today & picked the defective one up. The worst part is - we don't know what, if any, additional damage has been done due to "backlash". I keep blaming myself 'cuz I'm supposed to be the "expert" on Flolan and the pump and I feel like I let her down! She's due for medication increase on Tuesday so we'll see..... One good thing (maybe - we're not done investigating - but we'll keep ya posted) for people that suffer from "Flolan feet"....Mickey's "aunt" Ruth is into magnetic therapy real heavy and loaned her the magnetic insoles that she has. They helped the "Flolan feet"!!!!! If it continues to work, we'll let everybody know! Gonna close for now.....so "til next pen hits paper...Keeper

Saturday, April 21, 2001

Hello diary!! And all of u who read these!!!!! I don't believe this! Last nite while watching TV (or the "mushbox") we had another pump failure!!!!!!!!!! Does this happen alot? I'm losing a little confidence in Gentiva and their equipment - to say the least!!! I know now one of the reasons they're so quick to get another pump out to us - liability. When the pump breaks, you would have to figure that there is some form of medical liability if the "rebound effect" makes the PH patient worse than before Flolan - especially if that rebound caused death!!!!!!!!!! 'scuse my "french" -- It just pisses me off that equipment that is supposed to keep someone alive, could fail and kill them instead. Granted, the equipment is man-made and man is fallible - but, come on..... Well, I got that little bit off my chest! And to all of you who've E-mailed Mickey about the patience stuff involving me - thanx & relax - this "old geez" (as my 21 yr old calls me) has been "hit" harder than this and always bounced back and...this ain't no different!! So, 'til next pen hits paper...be cool...Keeper

Monday, April 30, 2001

Good Morning!! Well, I could tell last nnite that it was getting close to "raise the medication time" with Mickey! She had the headache thing goin' and then, the upset stomach started. Oh well, "raise day" is Wednesday so we'll see.

I just read her diary entry from yesterday - she originally told me that I wouldn't want to read it...now, this morning, she keeps asking if I read it! Go figure!!

She's right about "Grace" and her kids. Dominic is ADHD...and good at what he does! Being alot like that, I'm the first one to "feel" his emotional state!!! The hair on the back of my neck stands on end when he's in full swing. The day that he killed "Scappy" (that was the male squirrel's name cuz' we didn't think he'd make it - but he was a fighter) I wanted to stepp on him and let him know how it felt!!!!! The worst part was that both of the squirrels had been doing excellent! Three days after "Scrappy" died, the other (female-"Missy Anne") died !!!!! Ya see squirrels are very social animals. Without "Scrappy", "Missy Anne" died of loneliness!

I guess my biggest problem with the situation, the way it is now, is that "Grace" just assumes that they can hang around here anytime they want to. IE: Saturday nites when we all deliver early Sunday morning papers! My problem is I'm not good at telling people that they have to leave - I never have been - that's what Mickey does better! Now, I've got to look at it from the standpoint of: Who's gonna do that when Mickey's gone?!?!?

I guess this'll have to be something my counselor and I discuss and figure out. As long as it doesn't cause Mickey & me anymore problems! I think we have enough to cover now!!!!!

Well, I've got to finish cleaning - we've got HUD inspection tomorrow - WHEE! So, 'til next pen hits paper. . . Keeper

Wednesday, May 09, 2001

Well, hello old friend! It's been awhile since last pen hit paper, so I guess it's time. I guess our "faith" in UIHC and Dr. Cadaret is fading...fast. When we went on Flolan, our understanding (or should I say - misunderstanding) was that we had no other choice. That, if we didn't go right then, there was a good chance that Mickey would die very soon. UIHC doesn't offer any other PH treatment other than Flolan. Of course they don't!!!!!!!! They have a contract with Gentiva, so why offer anything else????? No money in that! Well, we had an appointment with our DO (Doc Rosman) yesterday. It was one of the best appointments I've ever been to - with any doctor!!!!! We expressed our concerns about UIHC and Dr. Rosman asked if we wanted to go somewhere else for a second opinion. My 1st thoughts were, "sure, now that it's too late" - but Doc said that it's NEVER too late! So, Mickey E-mailed one of the docs at Rush Clinic (in Chicago) and requested what they would need to determine if they would see her. We're waiting for a reply. If they'll see her, we'll find some way of getting there, come hell or high water! Oh, by the way, what shook our "confidence" in UIHC was our appointment this past Monday. At that appointment they told us that they weren't going to raise her Flolan for right now. NOW, they want to work on getting the water off her body - shouldn't they have tried that before getting her on Flolan????? Were there, possibly, other things they could've tried - CCBs, etc.????? We've now found out that Flolan is a "last resort" option after other treatments have failed!! We didn't even get to try any other treatments!!!!! So, now we sit here waiting for a reply from Rush....sure hope it comes soon! Without a new increase in her Flolan, all Mickey has to do is roll over in bed and she's winded!!!!! Right now, I'm so mad that I could eat nails - without ketchup or mustard! I just want her to be able to do some things without running out of breath and becoming fatigued!! Well, I've gotten that off my chest - but I don't feel better - so I'll quit. So 'til next pen hits paper. . .Keeper

Sunday, May 13, 2001

Well, here I am - again! Kinda like that "bad penny" everybody's always talking about!! I guess we've had our fill of UIHC! Last Monday, all they could talk about was how Mickey had to lose the water weight off her body. Now, Friday, they don't think the wayer is her problem! If they can't make their mind up - we can!!!!! So, as of last Thursday (the 10th), we have an appointment at the Rush Clinic, in Chicago, with Dr. Valerie McLaughin at 9 A.M. on May 25th!! Mickey E-mailed Dr McLaughlin in the middle of the nite and 7:15 the next morning we had an answer!!!!!!!!!! Talked to a RN from Rush on the 10th and set the appointment. Told her what was (or wasn't) going on with UIHC and found out that Rush doesn't discharge a new Flolan patient from the hospital until they're on 40 nanagrams! When UIHC discharged Mickey, she was only on 10 ngm & they've only raised her another 10ngm since!!!!! The nurse from Rush said that maybe Mickey does need to lose the water - but, what she needs to help her breathe is MORE Flolan!!!!! So, we're nervous, but looking forward to going to Rush and - maybe - getting something more positive done for us! Now, just pray that the van don't breakdown on us!! That would not be cool - at all!!!!! Well, I'll quit bending (but not breaking) your ear, "dear diary" - xo 'til next pen hits paper. . .Keeper

Thursday, May 17, 2001

I just finished reading Poacher's last entry about patience and it brought to mind a poster I once owned that had two vultures sitting in a tree. One vulture is looking at the other and says "Patience my ass! I'm gonna kill something!" That's how I feel right now!!!!! We were in the process of gathering Mickey's records for our trip to Chicago (Rush Heart Failure Clinic) when good ole' Iowa had to throw a wrench in the machine. Rush doesn't have an Iowa Provider Number!!!!! They've applied before and been turned down 'cuz "they're an out-of-state facility and the service is available in state" - Yeah, sure!!!!! Poacher would say "Patience, Patience, Patience!" - I feel like I wanna be a VULTURE!!!!!!!!!! Now, I find it hard to believe that Iowa has the gall to deny Rush 'cuz they're not "in state" when the Mayo Clinic has a number!! I never realized that Rochester (Minnesota) was in Iowa!!!!! I'm so p*****-off right now, I could eat nails and spit 'em like a machine gun!

We've been having chest pains, upset stomach, BAD headaches, no jaw pains, etc. for about two weeks. Yesterday, Tracy (our nurse at UIHC) FINALLY raised our Flolan from 20 ng to 30 ng (3/4 of the level Rush releases new Flolan patients from the hospital)! Seems now they think maybe it's not the water on her body - especially since the "MEGA" water pill they gave her had little or no effect!!! Still no explanation about the elevated WBCs - no bacteria present, so no UTI!! That makes two things they've been WRONG about!

So, anyway, now I have to call Rush and cancel or postpone our visit until we can get this mess with Iowa and Rush straightened out - if we can. Rush has applied several times before and been turned down - but will try again 'cuz of a very nice gentleman by the name of Joe Legato (sp?). He's the manager of Rush's billing department. He was going to call Consultec (the company that pays bills for Iowa Title XIX and apply again. He said they have quite a few Iowa patients, but the state don't pay for any of 'em! He even said that they just had to send a few of the Iowans "to collection" 'cuz their bills were too high and they couldn't pay!!!!! When is Iowa gonna realize that people need places like Rush and not places like UIHC or Mayo?????

Well, I'm not gonna quit!!!!!!!!!! Iowa picked the wrong - born and bred - Iowan to f*** with this time! I'm gonna E-mail my US Senator, Chuck Grassley, and my US Congressman, Jim Nussle, and get them involved in this!!!!!

Whew!!!!! I think I feel a little better! I hope I didn't burn-up anything in our computer - she'd kill me!!!!! So. . .'til next pen hits paper. . .Keeper.

Saturday, June 09, 2001

Well, hello again, dear diary. Thought I'd better post before too much time passed and, also, before we go to Chicago. We leave this Thursday - with or without insurance. It got down to a choice between Mickey's health or going in debt - Hell, we're already in debt so it wasn't much of a choice!! I called out to Rush (Heart Failure Clinic) and talked to the office manager (Joe Lavato). He said all he was waiting for was the Drs. (Rich and McLaughlin) to sign the request for an Iowa Provider Number and then would mail ASAP. He also said that the gentleman that he talked to at Consultec (the company that handles billing for Iowa Title XIX) had told him to get the app in and they'd send him a number - hope they do, sure would make things easier! We're trying to get our "daughter", Dee, over here with her kids so that Mickey can give her some things she'd like Dee to have. But, as always with Dee, we're having troubles getting her to make time! Kinda pissed-off about that, when Dee needed a place to stay or advice or anything, we were right there for her, but now that she doesn't. . . .

Went up to Sumner yesterday to see Ma & Pa and to sign some release forms for more of Mickey's records - UIHC;Mercy Med Center; and Allen Hosp. Colleen (Doc's nurse) called in the afternoon to tell us that UIHC won't accept my signature - has to be Mickey's - for release of records!!!!! Funny, both Mercy and Allen accepted it! I think it's UIHC trying to delay our getting the records so that when we go to Rush, we won't have everything they requested!!!!! UIHC better not be messing around like that or I'll have a lawyer on their asses so fast that they'll think they're hogcrap and we're a bunch of flies!!!!!!!!!!

Other than that, I guess we're ready to go. Nervous and slightly scared, but no wonder... Mickey still swears that she won't be here come the 4th of July - don't know if I believe her or not, she does seem to know a lot more about her health than other people...

Well, I'll close for now. Got posies to plant. So, 'til next pen hits paper. . .Keeper

Sunday, June 17, 2001

Well, dear diary, we went to Chicago on Thursday. Driving in the city was h*** but, what else can you expect?! We ended up staying in the Holiday Inn Downtown - nice place - not too expensive, I guess.

Friday morning we made it to the clinic right around 9 A.M. and got into an exam room about 9:30. They took vitals and, shortly after, we met our nurse - Chris. We really like her! She kept coming and apologizing for us having to wait. Heck, we knew we'd have to wait to see Dr. McLaughlin, so it didn't bother us - alot.

Finally, Chris asked if, rather than sitting and waiting, we'd like to get the other tests out of the way. So we did that. They did an echo and pmt (stress), we went & had a cigarette, and then went back up to get ready to see and meet Dr. Valerrie McLaughlin.

Finally she arrived. We chatted a bit and then she dropped a very unexpected "BOMB" on us!!!!! Not only does Mickey have PPH, but, she may have a very rare form of PPH called PVOD or Pulmonary Vena-occlusive Disease. We go back in about two weeks for a CT scan and, possibly, a RHC and/or Pulmonary Angiogram. Then she should be able to give a more definite answer.

TMT for PVOD is #1Lung transplant (we have to get on a list!!!!!) or #2Vascular Surgery. The bad thing - Flolan, you know, the "wonder drug", may make the PVOD worse instead of better!!!!!!!!!!

The thing that caught Valerrie's eye and brought out the PVOD was Mickey's CT scan from Cedar Rapids...you know, the one that UIHC said was normal! Well, it wasn't!!!!! Vallerrie couldn't quite put her finger on it, but there was something "funny" about it - thus, the CT scan in two weeks.

Anyway, our families are weathering another shock! Seems like that is all we've had since the 1st of the year!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes I don't understand how Mickey does it!! I can't imagine what it would be like if it were me! I think I'd be a basket case - probably start drinking again real fast!!!!!

Zach seems to be handling it pretty well. Course, he holds a lot inside and doesn't let it out 'til he explodes! Justin kinda "blew it off" - he's too busy fighting the world and everything. I think of all "the boys", Shad took it the hardest - him and "Da Momma" have gotten pretty close. He just gets quiet.

I'm "hanging in there" - but, thank God I've an appointment with Margaret tomorrow at 1 P.M.!!

Well, enuff is enuff! 'til next pen hits paper. . .Keeper