Caregiver Diary -- Teddie Chambers

Remember way back when? When talking about certain things such as sickness and death was "taboo". We were told not to talk about death to someone who was dying or whose love one had a terminal illness. Most of us can remember being told things such as "if you see John Doe, don't let him know that you know about his cancer" and "I would not talk to her about that if I were you". When I was in grammar school, one of the girls in my class lost her father in an auto accident. Our teacher told us not to talk about what had happened. We were taught, if it was bad, you did not talk about it. Things of that nature were left up to clergyman and doctors. I guess they were the only ones that knew what to say and do. I don't know the reasoning behind that way of thinking, but that's the way it was. In my opinion that was wrong. Through the years we have come to the realization of the truth...That being, talking does help. It helps us to understand, to heal, to grieve, to share and to learn among other things. With my entries in this diary I hope to share with you some of me...caregiver to the most precious person I know, my wife..Amy Jo

I believe for any thing to exist, there has to be an opposite. Like night is to day, up to down, right to wrong, sickness to wellness and to do or not to do. Our lives or filled with opposites. Every day we have to choose what we will do or not do. The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is to decide whether or not I am going to get out of the bed and start my daily routine or hit the snooze button. Every day I am tempted to hit that button and sometimes, but not very often, I do. After all, what can an extra eight minutes hurt. All of us who are caregivers have a choice, whether we will be the caregiver or not. It's not an easy job being a caregiver. You may think it never crossed your mind that you had a choice. You just do it out of love. Even though the decision may have been easy for you, it is still there. Any moment of any day a caregiver can walk away from it. As for me, I think my love for Amy JO and the love she has for me is why I stay. Having a soft heart and wanting to do what is right, I think helps as well. It is an honor to be her caregiver and I am thankful for my health. I believe in my heart I will always be there for her because I think she would do the same for me if I were in her shoes. She did not ask for PH. It just happened. My role as caregiver did not happen over night, it was a slow process. Doing little things at first. Then progressing to doing almost all the things Amy Jo used to do around the house. Things she loved to do, but can't any more. For me, the hardest thing is not the extra work and the stress, but knowing that Amy Jo wants to do more and can't. If she could, I know she would. She always did more than her share and put others first and now she can't. Strange...how our lives can be just fine, and then in a heart beat change. I remember the night my life changed. It is not what I had hoped for after retirement, but it could be much worse. I have accepted being a caregiver and now I have a choice...to be a good caregiver or a bad one. I choose to be the best caregiver I can be. Amy Jo has accepted her PH and has chosen to be the best patient she can be. We will fight for every inch of well-being when can get, for it is a constant battle and our enemies are stress, pain, fatigue and time...just to name a few...very few.

Yesterday and today were good days. Amy got some good news yesterday. She will be seeing a real PH specialist in October. That gives us hope, and hope is a very good thing. The news lifted Amy's spirit. She was a little more energetic today and was busy on the computer. By the way, I did not hit the snooze button this morning...honest...I wanted to but I didn't. The only enemy that made a showing today was pain. I am having problems with my jaw and will have surgery soon. Some times it does not hurt at all. But when it does hurt, it is tuff being me. Just another one of those enemies we do battle with. If you let them, they will take from you until there is nothing left. I have learned that a good attitude is one of the most important things you can have. A good attitude is a great warrior and will help you through many battles with the worst of enemies. Well, tonight I think I will go to sleep with a smile on my face...I think I did good :-)

Today a strange thing happened. Have you ever received the "Ugachaka, dancing baby" from someone through the e-mail? It is really cute. We first got it from a friend in Ohio and I saved it to disk. I have sent it to many friends of ours with out a hitch. Well guess what? Today I e-mailed to a friend of mine and Amy's. For some reason it played havoc with their e-mail to the extent that they had to call their internet server for help to get things going once again. I bet the first thing they thought was that it was a virus, I probably would have. I know that it wasn't a virus, because we have the "Norton Antivirus 2000" program. It up dates and scans weekly and I think it is one of the best. I really felt bad about what happened because the computer has become such a part of our every day lives that it is difficult to do with out them. Even for a short period of time. It has happen to us and was not much fun. Anyway it was not intentional, but just one of those things that confuse our computers and cause them to lock up. If you don't have an antivirus program, your computer is subject to getting any of the 47,720 known viruses and the number grows daily. Well, I will close. Maybe I will write about my family next.

PS: I wanted to...but I didn't. zzzzzzzz

Amy and I have been married nine years. This is not our first marriage, but by far the best for both of us. We have no children together but Amy has three living children. Twin boy and girl twenty six years old. Mary Kay lives in another town near by and Lee (a special child who needs adult supervision) lives with us. Anthony is thirty three and his where-abouts is not known. Six years have passed and he has not called or written his mother. One of the mysteries of life I don't understand. And their is Darlene who I never got the chance to meet. She lost her life in an auto accident at the age of nineteen. Everyone that knew her, loved her and miss her. So, You see...I am a caregiver to a very special woman and I think about it often. Especially when the going gets tuff for me. Then, just the thought of what she has gone through and what she is going through now, makes my problems kind of fade away. Most of us would have given up, but she has not. The woman she is makes being her caregiver special. Sometimes I think she helps me more than I help her. Not in doing physical work, but mentally and spiritually. Believe me!...I need that. I think I have it easier than most caregivers, but caring for Amy and Lee probably takes a little more time. Time is something I have a lot of. I think if at all possible a caregiver should spend a little time alone. Maybe a hobby or something of interest to them. This takes a little of the stress off both the caregiver and the person they care for. In Amy's case, it pleases her for me to take time for myself. Spending time alone is just one of those warriors that help fight the every day battles with this "BEAST" as Amy calls it. Yes, PH is a beast. As far as my hobbies and interest go, I have to take into consideration that I can't leave the house for a very long period of time without having a substitute. In this respect I am lucky, for my interest are the computer and astronomy. I love the computer and love meeting people and making new friends on the internet. Amy and I have net-friends that are just like family to us. We have "NetMeeting" which is a video conference program. It's nice to see who you are talking with. Then, when the weather is just right (when seeing is good) I like to look into the night sky. I have always been interested in astronomy, but never had a telescope until last May when Amy gave me one for my birthday. Best birthday gift I have ever received....well...maybe not...the best one I can't put in the diary :-). Who Wants To Be A Millionaire is on, BRB. I'm back. I had to finish the dishes and change Amy's liquid oxygen reservoir. Tomorrow we have an appointment with Amy's PC doctor. Amy is having bad muscle cramps and her blood pressure is too low at times. We hope he will find what is causing these two problems and Amy can get some relief from them. OOPS, I forgot about Amy's cat "Precious". Sometimes we call her "Gennie Girl", "Little Kitty", "Kitty Cat" and when she gets in trouble..."YOU CRAZY CAT". As I close, she is keeping watch over a Lady Bug that has found it's way into the house. Kats are like that you know.

Talk about busy. If you look in a Webster Dictionary, for the word busy, it should have a description of my weekend. It started out Friday evening with Amy having a spell with vertigo. First time for her to experience such a thing. Scared her very much. Thanks for the advice from our friends on the message board, Amy calmed down. Saturday morning I made a quick trip to the drug store to get some Meclizine, which helped very much. So, needless to say, Amy was given much more attention this weekend than usual. God forbid if she would have taken any lasix Saturday or Sunday morning. She is feeling much better this evening and things I think are back to normal. Vertigo...Maybe not enemy number one, but an enemy just the same and the warriors who helped to fight the enemy were Meclizine, a little TLC and bed rest. Well, it was not a bad weekend nor a good one. I guess you could say it was an experience. I think I will close and write a short e-mail to a caregiver friend who has not posted lately. Just to say hello and see if every thing is OK.

Yum! Yum! Just had homemade taco salad. I am learning to cook pretty good...But that is to be expected because I have a good teacher...Amy Jo. As the old saying goes "it was so good it made me want to slap my grandma". Why? Because I thought nobody could cook as good as grandma. Just kidding! Never slap grandma unless you are wearing a crash helmet because when the frying pan makes that "BONG" noise, it want hurt so much! OK, down to business. Today has been a good day so far. I have finished all the "Honey Do's". Get groceries, curb-market, pharmacy, Sears and last but not least the bank. I like the bank's drive through. You just drive by, slow down enough to through your money in that drawer, give them a howdy hello and move on to one of the next do's...Unless...you are lucky and have money to take out...then you go inside...flirt with the teller just enough to brake their concentration and hopefully they will give you a tip as well...YEP! You are right. They always do. Tellers are like that you know. Don't spend that money. A couple of days later, for some unknown reason, they want it back. If the truth was known, I think they just like to tease people. Has it ever happened to you? It has to me. It really was not that bad. I got to know everybody in the bank by their first name. Well, Lee just came in from his work shop. BRB I am back. Had to get Lee squared away. He said he had a good day and that he had a new van driver, Anida. Lee loves going to the work shop. Actually it is a learning center for mentally disabled citizens. It is called the Mitchell Center. Students are taught how to be independent. Do things for themselves, such as, personal hygiene, getting along with others and counting money. The final outcome being the ability to live and function in a group environment with adult supervision. There are two of these homes near us. Each with about twelve Mitchell Center graduates living in them. Lee was very fortunate to have such a program in our county and to qualify for the program. It has a long waiting list. Lee waited about two years. Amy and I hope Lee will be placed in one of these homes. It will be good for him, and Amy will have a peace of mind knowing... Well, It's closing time! Question...Don't you hate flipping a coin before going to the polls to vote? At least this time we won't have to put up with the cigar smoke, will we?

Well it's an on again off again kind of day. The weather don't know what it wants to do. Rain or Shine. At the moment, the Sun (BIG RED) as Poucher Jo calls it, is shining bright and the cat is in the window taking in the rays. She is cat-napping her life away. I like to spook cats. Just to see them jump straight up. (LOL) Precious has gotten used to me trying to spook her and it is hard to catch her off guard. But, when I do, she is a "JUMPER":-) Amy's vertigo is getting much better. She did not take a Meclizene tablet this morning and seems to be doing OK. OOPS! The AOL instant messenger window just popped up. Who wants to talk.BRB. I am back. It was a net-friend of ours, Dave, who lives in Ohio. We have not met him in person but he seems to be a nice guy. This AOL instant messenger is neat and FREE. Not many things are free now days. Here is something that is free. Go to this address and check it out if you are into this kind of thing http://liftoff.msfc.nasa.gov/realtime/jtrack/Spacecraft.html Today Amy and I have a chance to get out of the house. Kay is coming over to watch Lee. Amy has an appointment to get her hair cut and a perm. Her hair is down to her shoulders and she wants to have it shortened some, well maybe a good bit. One thing we need to do more often is to get out of the house. Even it is just for a short while. It's getting close to lunch time so I think I will "take 5". Well I took more than 5. It's 9:15 PM. Lee is sleeping. Amy is watching TV. Kay just called to let us know she made the trip back home ok. She is such a sweet girl. Amy was going to back out of getting her hair done today because of the rain. The humidity is ruff on her. But, I kept on insisting that she was going and I won! We went. Her hair looks good and we both feel better. As for my hair, what little bit I have, it is short short. I shaved it just the other day. How much shorter can it get? Short short short? I was kidding Amy today. Told her I was going to grow a pony tail. She said "go for it". I mite just do that. Take about two years...then I would have a bird nest with a tail...I better think this over...

Hey! It could happen. Back in the 70's when I was very into being an outdoorsman, I let my hair and beard grow for three years. I looked like a mountain man. A little mountain man. Good thing Amy did not see me then. The last few days were bad days for me. I just had the "blahs", if there is such a word. When I get like this my sweet Amy gives me room. After a couple of days I get over it and sometimes I don't remember what caused it. I have really worked on this the last few months and Amy says I have gotten better. It's just one of those enemies we caregivers have to fight. Thinking of how I acted the past few days makes me feel ashamed. Amy tells me I have the right to get the blahs. Maybe I do. Today Amy and I cried. I was not any thing to do with what's going on in our lives but just something we do. Why? We are both soft hearted and very sensitive. Every time we watch a movie that is emotional, whether it be sad or rewarding, tears begin to form. Strange what makes us cry. Today was A good day. Started out bad but got better as the day wore on. We will see what tomorrow brings...

I think I know why I have such a hard time with being patient. I came from a large family, eight boys and four girls. One bathroom! How did we manage. So, you see, back then we had to be patient. My having very little patients today is kind of a rebellion for having to be patient back then.

Mom and Dad have passed away but all of us children are still living. We live within a hundred miles of one another.

This morning Amy and I got a phone call from my sister Nancy. She ask if we were going to be busy around lunch time and if Amy felt like having company. I told her we did not have any thing planed for today and that Amy would love to have company. Nancy replied "good, we will be there about twelve thirty and we will bring lunch". At about twelve thirty Nancy and Jackie arrived with lunch. Jackie, Nancy and Don live at the old home place where all but my oldest brother spent all our childhood. A million memories of the old home place are always just a thought away. Jackie is third from the oldest. A very humble man that would give you his last penny and the shirt off his back. Nancy is the backbone of the family. No one could ask for a better sister. Amy tells me all the time that she feels as though she has known Nancy all her life. All my brothers and sisters love Amy and Amy loves them. We enjoyed their visit and the food was good. Home made banana pudding...YUM YUM :-)After they had gone, Amy called and left a message on their answering machine. Amy is good at that kind of thing. Today was a good day, a very good day.

The weather has been very nice the past few days. Amy and I got out of the house this morning. Had some personal business to take care of and on the way home stopped by the curb market. Bought some tomatoes and green onions. Got to get that roughage you know, keeps the plumbing working smoothly. My TMJ has been bothering me lately. It is causing my ear to hurt at the moment. So I think I will take 5, might as well have lunch. BRB. Well, I had lunch and then supper. It's 7:00 PM and all is well. TMJ is gone. :-) Tonight is special for me, not that it is a special date, but I have plans to get up early...I mean early...2:30 AM. Called my brother Pat this morning and ask him if he wanted to go look at the night stars. Yes was his answer. We hope the weather will be kind to us and that the seeing is good. Amy said she was very pleased that we are going. I am very excited because it will be the first time I have used the telescope in the early morning hours, which is supposed to be the best viewing time. The next time you are up that early, take a look at the sky and you will see the difference between early morning and evening skies. Got to get some sleep, I am out of here, Teddie

How paranoid or stupid can folks be? They never cease to amaze me. They wake up at 3:00 AM, the dogs are barking and they ask themselves the question, should I get up to see what is going on with the dogs or go back to sleep? BIG decision...right? They do the unthinkable. Get out of bed and start looking out windows. Something is going on across the street. They rub their eyes as things come into focus. OH MY GOD! CALL THE POLICE..CALL THE POLICE..CALL THE POLICE. Well...the police came...I could hear my name, address, type vehicle and code numbers blaring over the radio. I did not know whether to laugh, put up my hands or hit the dirt. I should have known it was destined to happen. Amy told me it would happen. I should have known how paranoid folks can be.I mean...barking dogs wake you up at 3:00 AM. Curious, you take a look. You see 2 old baldheaded men in the cow pasture across the street with a telescope pointed at the stars. DUUUHHH!!! It does not take a nuclear scientist to figure this one out. Heck, it wasn't even their cow pasture and we had permission from the owner to be there. Well, after the policeman saw that Pat and I were not desperados, he said he was sorry he disturbed us and that he would not be back. Shortly there after we packed up and went to the house. Turns out that there was too much humidity in the air for good seeing. We enjoyed the trip just the same. Maybe next time seeing will be much better. I am a little tired from loosing sleep last night. Other than that, it has been a very good day. Lee wanted a new windbreaker. So, this morning I went to Walmart and bought him one. I put it in his bedroom and when he came in from the center he saw it right away. Put it on and will probably ware it till bedtime, unless he gets to hot. I made a mistake on our state income tax form last year. We paid the state when they should have given us a refund. I had to fill out a form 40x in order to get our money back. Today the check came in the mail. Amy has a big smile on her face. She does the book-keeping and pays the bills and is VERY GOOD at it. I don't worry about the bills what so ever. She still earns her keep around here.:-) She even gives me a little allowance. Well it's Friday night and the weekend is here. Heck, every day is like a weekend to me. It is nice being retired...

We got out of the house today. With a little nudge from me Amy got herself ready and off we went to visit Jackie and Nancy. Don was at work today. It's about a twenty minute drive. We love going there to visit and always have a good time. Nancy is a very good cook, so all I can say is YUM YUM. Pork dumplings, salad and pound cake for lunch. Today I took time to walk around the old home place and reminisce while Amy and Nancy talked girl talk and caught up on what's going on in the family. Went up stairs where there is a large "T" shaped bedroom. That was the boys bedroom, all eight of us. As I looked around, memories of my childhood flashed through my mind. I remembered pillow fights and card games. It was like giant tree house, just for boys. There were three windows, one at each end, and near a window was the best spot to have your bed...your little private corner of the big room. We were always moving our beds around, trading places for one reason or another. I counted eight different spots where I had my bed at one time or another. We did not have air conditioning. There was a big fan built into the wall. It pulled out side air in through the windows and forced it into attic.Just another reason to have your bed near the window on hot summer nights. One window was special. Besides facing the frog pond, we could climb out that window and on to the roof. Yes, on the roof. kids just don't understand the consequences if you fall. No one ever did. It was a good place to hide and the view was grate. I also walked out side. Noticed how much the trees had grown. One particular tree my dad was going to cut down and I ask him not to do it. I don't remember what reason I gave him, but I am sure it was a long drawn out affair and it must have impressed him. The best I can remember the tree was small, about eight inches in diameter. Today I could not reach around it with both arms. It is a giant of a tree. I remembered all the games we used to play in the grass between the house and the pond. Softball, football, dodge ball, and we flew model airplanes there also. No one ever told me how the frog pond got it's name, but it would be my guess because of all the noise the toad and bullfrogs made at night. The water was down about thee feet because of the dry summer. The pond is probably about an acre in size. When I was a kid it almost dried completely one summer. We thought all the fish would surely die. I could write a book about the going's one at the frog pond when I was a kid. At fifty three years old, I feel very lucky to have a home place to visit. Lots of memories there...lots of memories. It was a good place for a kid to grow up.

Tomorrow is the big day. Both Amy and I are anxious about seeing a PH specialist for the first time. I can't imagine what must be going through her mind. A number of things could happen tomorrow and only time will tell. I try not to think about it. But, my hearts desire is for Amy to be offered some kind of treatment with hope that it will improve her health and quality of life. She does not deserve what this disease has given her. We will not sleep well tonight. Tomorrow we will take care of business.

So far, so good. Amy has done very well with her test this week. They were very exhausting test for her. Tuesday she was scheduled to have 3 test. An EKG, an Echocardiogram (with bubble) and a Pulmonary Function Test. Amy was unable to do the PFT because she was exhausted after being at the hospital over 6 hours. It was rescheduled for today. She did very well. The technician was very sensitive to Amy's needs and that meant a great deal to Amy while she was doing this test. She was top notch. It has been a good week. Amy and I will go back the 17th for a right heart cath. We both hope it will go as smoothly as the other test. Then on the 24th we will go again to get the test results. That will be the "Big Day". We will then know what her pressures are and if she can be treated. What ever the results are, we will except them and continue our fight with the "Beast".

Last night Amy and I watched the movie "Sculls". It was a good mystery. Lee watched "Scoobydoo". He got in bed way after his usual bed time. After the movie, Amy set down at the computer to check the message board. She was surprised to see on the screen in big red letters "Virus Warning". We had received a virus in our e-mail. It was the "WScript.KakWorm". The only harm that was done was the inconvenience that it caused. Our antivirus program caught it. We have it set up to check all e-mail that we receive. The subject of this e-mailed virus was "Re RHC". Amy, before we started watching the movie, had e-mailed someone and the subject was "RHC". So, we know "RE RHC" was a reply to Amy's e-mail "RHC". I did e-mail the suspected computer to warn them of the virus because I am 99% sure they were unaware that their computer had the virus. This happened once before when a friend of ours from Canada had their computer infected with a virus. They were not aware that their computer was e-mailing the virus to every body in their e-mail address book. I e-mailed them to tell them what was taking place. They did not know and thanked me for bringing it to their attention. Now days they keep their antivirus up dated. The problem with last night's virus is that we received it at least 5 times. That became a pain in the butt. This morning I had to call our server to get them to empty our e-mail box because we were still getting the thing. That was around 6:00 AM. Hope that was the end of the "WScript.KakWorm"! This weekend is a big weekend for Alabama. It is race weekend. The Nascar Winston Cup 500 at Talladega. Amy and I are race fans so we will eat Pizza and Chili while we watch the races. We also have one more movie to watch...my eyes hurt already. Well, Lee is watching TV. Amy is going through the Lasix ritual and I am out of here! Go #6 & #28 ____ __/____\__/ (___28____) O O

Talk about a busy week!!! The 17th Amy had her RHC and the pressures were 47 at rest and 59 with exercise. The doctor confirmed she did have PH. She cried...and with a good reason. It took 5 years to be diagnosed. We can dwell on it or go forward. Let us go forward and do the best we can. The 24th we go back to UAB to converse with the doctors. We hope they have something for Amy. Some kind of treatment. And if any obstacle gets in our way, we will fight! The 18th I had TMJ surgery on the left side of my jaw. It was supposed to be micro surgery, but I have a 2 inch incision. Seems it was worse than the doctor had expected. The day of the surgery I was sick all day and that night. I mean, if I ate something it would not stay down. So, I stopped the pain meds. They don't like me and I don't like them. Yesterday and today was much better. I will go Monday and have the stitches taken out. So much for my problems. They don't compare with Amy's or any one else with PH. My sweet Amy, she is courageous. She has done well. I am proud of her. Tomorrow, the 21st of October is Amy's birthday. She will be ??. And looks much younger. I plan to cook her a cake tonight. Wish me luck. Hey...it can happen! Time will tell. Through the years we have tried to combine her birthday with our vacation. Spent most of them in the Smoky Mountains. We have many wonderful memories there and I never will forget them. This year we chose not to plan a vacation, but to concentrate on getting Amy some help with her illness. I think we have accomplished much. Well, the cake is in the oven and will come out shortly. I will let it cool and then frost it. Can't tell you what in store for Amy tomorrow because she reads my diary...Surprise-Surprise-Surprise

Had my stitches taken out today. The doctor said every thing looks good. I feel the same as my doctor does because there is hardly any pain at all. So far, it was worth it. We had a very good weekend. Amy really enjoyed her birthday, especially the responses she received on the PH message board (Guess What?). Nobody croaked from eating the cake I cooked. So, I guess I did good with the cooking. Not a good weekend for football. Our team lost...AGAIN. Probably loose a few more. Not a good weekend for racing either. My car (#28) did not win. If #28 don't win, I don't care which car wins, as long as it is not #24 or #3. When either one of those cars wins, it just ~^%(*$%`!~~ me off something awful. #3 won...AGAIN, and Sunday night I was not a happy camper. Well it's Monday night and all is well. Tomorrow is another big day. It is Amy's day with the PH Doctors. We don't know what to expect, but we hope for the best. Like I always say "Time Will Tell".

Shame On Me! It's been a while since I made an entry. I think tomorrow I will try something new. From the time I get out of bed until I go to sleep tomorrow night, every hour I am going to try to record what I did during that hour. Should be interesting. I will call it "A Day With A Caregiver".

Well...So much for that idea. How could I be so wrong? Senior moment I guess. When Amy and I make a mental mistake, we call it a "senior moment". Yepper, that's what it was. Another enemy...aging. Where is that fountain of youth?

I think I am going through a lazy spell. I don't feel bad, I just don't do what needs to be done around the house. Now I am behind in the cleaning so far I can't see light on the other side. Need a push...A BIG PUSH! My get up and go must be on vacation, and I need to vacuum, dust, clean the baths, clean the basement, clean the gutters and wash the truck. Even though I have not started, all I like is finishing:-)

Lee has come down with what we think is a cold. He did not go to the Mitchell Center today. We are giving him antibiotics and cough medicine. Hope Amy and I do not catch it.

Tonight is "YOU KNOW WHAT NIGHT". Remember way back when we threw water balloons and eggs on Halloween? That was the good old days. Back then if you hit a car with one of those, it would just bounce off. Hit a car today with a water balloon or egg and the finder might fall off. They don't make them like they did in the good old days. When I compare the old days with now days, I think the world is going down hill at a pretty good click. Money and power in my opinion is the cause of it. That must be why I am a nice person, because I don't have much of either...Wonder how it would be being a rich old grouch?

Happy Halloween, Teddie

PS: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yep! I am still alive and doing well. Just have not had time to make an entry in my diary lately. Trying to stay out of trouble and not doing a very good job at it. Will not go there...Like the old sayings go "That's Water Over The Dam" "Don't Dig Up Old Bones" and so-on. Well, I got the 2 bathrooms clean and the CHIEF'S bedroom dusted and vacuumed. We know who the Chief is, don't we? She is the sweet thing with the "honey do list". Without that honey do list, I would be lost. Take today for instance. With my honey do list in hand, I left the house on a honey do mission. First on the list, was 2 precriptions. No problem with those. Second on the list, a few groceries. No problem. Back to the house, feeling proud of my accomplishments. But, I found myself on the receiving end of a strange look from my sweet Amy. Where is the 6 piece chicken nugget dinner? OOPS! I had forgotten she had ask me to stop at BK and get her the 6PCND for lunch. So, I used the excuse that it was not listed on the honey do list. Guess what? I had to cook. Seems as though I forget a lot of things now days. I guess it is a combination of things. Stress, staying real busy, not getting things done that need to be done and probably old age. In dog years I am nearly 636 years old. No wonder I forget things...Bed Time

Well...It's been tuff being me lately. But...I have fought a good fight, not given up and Amy, Lee, the cat and I are still hear. My sweet Amy has had it ruff the past few weeks. She has been fighting the Shingles. As you may know they are adult chickenpox. If you had Chickenpox when you were a kid and have taken Microbid or a similar drug, your chances of getting the adult version of Chickenpox is fairly high. That is what happened to Amy. It is very painful. Amy says it is right up there with child birth, maybe worse. All her pain is in her arms, shoulders and neck. Makes it hard for her to do much of any thing. We had to cancel our plans to visit with my sister and family for Thanksgiving. We stayed home. I cooked a big batch of homemade veggie soup. YUM-YUM! Talk about leftovers. We will have the last of it tomorrow...that makes 5 days of soup. But, it still taste good. Tomorrow Amy, Lee and Kay are supposed to get their flu shots. Amy says she is going to wait until she gets over the Shingles. I guess it will be mid December before I get mine. It is about 2:30 in the afternoon and I think I will take a time-out. Finish the diary tonight. OK, here we are again at 8:00 PM. My sweet Amy just got off the IM with our friend Sher. Amy always feels good after she chats with Sher. Well, I cooked a big pot of guelosh for supper. It was not as good as the soup but it was OK. Can't wait till I can chew once again. Then I will cook something gooood and fattening. I think I am having a senior moment, my mind went blank, so I think will close for now.

OOPS! Previous post mistake. The med is "Prednisone" not "Microbid". See what I mean by a "Senior Moment".

Hey, Just thought I would report in. Still doing my best to be a good caregiver. Sometimes I think I am doing a good job and sometimes I do not. Not being organized has resulted in me getting behind in my work around the house. That makes me feel lousy. Maybe that is why I have not made an entry in my diary lately. Well...Guess I had better get my butt in gear and get organized. There is a big difference between the way I feel when my work is caught up and the way I feel when it is not. I like being caught up, so..this week I promise myself, I will try.

Shame on me for not paying you any attention lately diary, but I have an excuse. I have been busy. Tonight I do have a few minutes. One is gone already. Time sure does fly when you are having fun. Speaking of fun, snow is fun:-), as long as the power don't go off:-(. And...tonight we are in for some strange weather. Freezing rain starting around 2:00 am, turning into snow. Freezing rain down here in the south is no fun:-( Times up...See Ya!

Merry Christmas

Well, I finely got caught up with the house-work. Today I had time to work in the yard. Mulched leafs and trimmed the shrubs in the front yard. Hopefully, I can get to the back yard later this week. Had to stop about 2:30 PM because of rain. I have found time to look at the stars lately. As I learn my way around the night sky, it is getting to be more fun. I saw the Crab Nebula for the first time the other night. It was really neat. In a couple of weeks, when the Moon no longer appears in the night sky, my brother Pat and I hope to go to a dark sky location about 5 miles from our home. Seeing is much better away from the light pollution near or in cities. Pat got a telescope for Christmas and is anxious to go. Maybe the weather will be kind to us. This cold weather and astronomy is ruff on an old man. Amy has been feeling good lately. As good as can be expected with her PH. Lee is doing fine as well. The cat has been getting into lot of trouble lately. I am thinking about giving her a short hair cut. Make her look like a rat. Heck...she might like it...Teddie

Tonight I woke Amy from her sleep just to tell her that I love her and that she is the best thing that ever happened to me. As I lay beside her and held her, we talked...I needed that...I think Amy did also...

Saturday, February 10 2001

I Findlay got her back. A few years ago my sweet Amy played a practical joke on me and I promised I would get her back. Today...I believe I did just that. Amy's joke was well planed and it went like this...At that time we had a Astro van we kept in the basement garage. I was getting ready to go on some errand, and was not aware of the fact that Amy was in the process of hiding in the van. Amy got in the van and hid behind the drivers seat. I had no idea she was there. When I got into the van she grabbed my leg. It truly scared the crap out of me! I don't remember all of what I yelled but I can remember that laugh of Amy's till this day. She really got me that time and I told her I would get her back one day. Well...today I did. And it went like this...Our cat "Precious" has been getting on a small table we have in our bedroom. Precious likes this table because she can get a good look at the bird feeder just out side the window. One this table is a lamp, answering machine, caller ID, vase and cordless phone. It is crowded. We don't allow Precious on that table because she knocks things off. We have tried different things to discourage her from getting on the table, but they have not worked. The other day I came up with the idea of putting a bell under the table and when we catch Precious on the table, we ring the bell. It is an electric bell, very loud. When we ring the bell, Precious runs for her life. So...tonight Amy was standing next to the table resetting the answering machine, not paying any attention to me. Hmmmmm...I thought, here is my chance...and I did it...RING!!!!!!!!!!!! Did it scare her? You bet it did. I laugh till it hurt. Amy said she was going to tell her doctor on me. I said, remember the van...now we are even. She says she will get me back and I know she will...time will tell...

Well diary, I guess I need to get back in the grove once again. Have not posted in a long time. Who knows, someone may be reading this stuff. Diary? Figure this one out: A missionary is walking down a trial in search of a tribe call the "Truth-Sayers". The "Truth-Sayers" always tell the truth, always, no matter what. The "Truth-Sayers" live in the same jungle with another tribe called the "False-Sayers". The "False-Sayers" always tell a lie, always, no matter what. So, as the missionary is walking down the trial he comes to a fork in the trial, where stands a tribesman. The missionary does not know which fork to take or which tribe the tribesman belongs to, the "Truth-Sayers" or the "False-Sayers". Hmmmmmmm. The missionary thinks for a moment and then ask the tribesman one question and upon hearing the answer, the missionary knew which fork would take him to the "Truth-Sayers" tribe. What question did he ask the tribesman? Remember, the missionary does not know if the tribesman has told him a lie or the truth, because the missionary does not know whether the tribesman is a "Truth-Sayer" or "False-Sayer". Go figure...I have to get some sleep. Teddie

Well...Did you figure it out? Just incase you did not, here is the question. The missionary ask the tribesman "Had I came by here yesterday and ask you which way will take me to the TruthSayers Tribe, what would you have told me"? If the tribesman is a TruthSayer, he will tell the truth. If the tribesman is a Falsesayer, he will have to tell a lie, which in reality will be the truth. Don't feel bad, I did not do very well on it either. So, to make you feel better, here is an easy one. How far can you walk into the woods? Tell me later. Teddie

It was an honor today, being with such a woman as my Amy. I knew it would be a tiring day for her and it was. Amy and I visited her mother for the first time sense she has been in a nursing home. I know it was hard for Amy seeing her mother in the home. I could feel the pain and could sense the tears were always just a heartbeat away. Not only tears for her mother but also for another special person. It was a good visit for all three of us. Amy did good today and each year on this day, March 14th, even though I know it is there, the pain, the heart ache, the sadness that fills that empty place in her heart, time has helped to heal them through the years. She never has forgotten her daughter Darlene. Today was Darlene's birthday. Darlene would have been 32. Many times today as I would look at my sweet Amy, I cried in side for her heart aches. Yes, today I am honored by her courage, by her will to live and by her strength to fight the "Beast" that is determined to take all that she is. And...She is one hell of a woman! I am proud to be her husband and it pleases me for her to call me her best friend. I love that woman...

Today Kay came over to visit Amy and I. She stayed until Lee got home from the Mitchell Center. Lee is always happy to see her. We rented a movie. It was a tear jerker. All of us are softies I guess. A good day it was. :-)

I wish I had what ever it is or takes to post in my diary as much and consistent as my Amy does. She is a writer for sure. Even when she feels bad, she writes. She has not felt well lately and neither have I. That's the way I get this time of year, when the weather does not know what it is going to do. Cold one day hot the next. One good thing though, it's time to "START YOUR ENGINES". Yep, racing season. This Sunday will be the 8th one this season. I have Findlay found a driver to call mine. Sterling Marlin. He drives the #40 Coors Light Dodge. I have always like him and this year decided to be a fan of his. I even joined a message board on the Sterling Marlin web site. If you ever log on there, my user name is Coors2go. We all have lots of fun. Amy is still a fan of Mark Martin who drives the #6 Ford. I kid Amy about the sponsor, who is Viagra. I call it the Pecker Ford :-) She just rolls her eyes. Well, I guess I had better go see how my race fans are doing.

The Toaster When Amy and I got married, she had a toaster and it was a dandy. A four cooker it was. chrome plated and the works. Well, for some reason I thought it was taking up to much space. I talked Amy into selling it in a yard sale, which we did. We bought another one, a cheap one it was. A two cooker. It worked fine for a while, but began to burn toast. No matter where I had the setting, it would burn the toast. Also I had to let it cool down before I could use it again. Needless to say, I learned to hate that toaster and this week it got the best of me. Amy was not in the kitchen at the time. I gently unplug the toaster, picked it up, walked to the back door, opened the door, walked out onto the deck and trough the damn thing off the deck. Birds took to flight and the squirrels scattered. I hope no neighbors were looking. I left the toaster out in the yard 3 days before I put it in the trash can. It made me feel really good, killing that toaster. Yesterday I bought another one. A two cooker. It's soooooooooo good to have toast like we did when we first got married. Amy does not know what happened to the old toaster...She will now...It's a man thing...She will understand :-)

OK Rebecca...You win. Thanks for getting me off my bottom side. The new toaster is working fine. But...my TV may find it's way in the front yard, especially if it quits during a race. It is race season and the Winston Cup boys are at it again. I have found a new team to cheer for. The Sterling Marlin #40 Coors Light Dodge. They are 5th in the points race. I have joined the Sterling Marlin message board and spend much of my time on that site. It is a good group of folks. We are called Marlinites. Ya'll Come...check us out some times. Amy goes there on occasions. Even though she is a Mark Martin fan, she has joined the Marling site as well. Amy has really impressed me lately. She has been going to rehab on Mondays and Thursdays. I have noticed improvements. She does not use the wheelchair any more. She washes her own hair. Feels better, both mentally and physically. The good news about her friend Sher uplifted her spirits. We both cried tears of joy when we got the news. Amy has another year before she can get on the lung transplant list. I think her Doctors are doing a good job keeping her healthy as possible until then. Also, this computer has been instrumental in keeping her healthy. It has kept us both sane. We have AOL instant messenger and we love to chat on it. Feel free to give us a call. Our screen name is Amy and Teddie. Type it just as it is. Well, the dryer just buzzed. Got to go get the clothes out before they wrinkle. See Ya...Thanks Rebecca

Don't pay any attention to the web address on the previous post. I was just testing something out. It did not work. Teddie

It was ten years ago today when I first laid eyes on my sweet Amy. We had talked on the phone a few times and decided to meet in person. Just by the phone conversations we had, I knew there was something special about Amy. I was very interested in meeting her and I was hoping she would be pleasing to look at. I was not disappointed. We met at Granny's Kitchen, a restaurant located half way between where we lived. I got to Granny's first and Amy arrived a few minutes later. She was driving a small car with a bumper sticker that read "Bad To The Bone". Of course it was her daughters car. We went in, found a table and ordered coffee. We talked and drank coffee for about three hours. Amy was very easy to talk to. I really enjoyed myself and I could tell she did as well. To tell the truth, it was the best time I ever had meeting someone new. The flame had started on this special day, May 11, 1991. I had no idea I would ask Amy to marry me before a year would pass. I was forty five years old seven days after we met at Granny's and it became the best year of my life. I NEVER EVER will forget it. We had the best courtship and man and woman could have. At the age of forty five I finally learn how to enjoy life...All because I met someone special...My better half...Amy. I can never say it enough...She is more than any man could ask for. I love, need and want her today...as much as I did back then. Let it be written!

Today was anniversary #9 for Amy and I. I read her diary page this evening and it touched my heart. She wrote when we first met, she was a mess and I changed her life. Maybe she was a mess back then (with good reason to be). What I saw was a special woman, that only needed someone to love her and treat her like a woman should be treated. That is all I did and in return, you were able to be yourself again Amy. Right from the start, I thought I knew what was in your heart, so I took a chance. I was right Amy. I am glad you and I said "I DO". Happy Anniversary Amy! ISD...Teddie

Da Daaaaaaaaaaa! No it's not Lazarus back from the dead. I just got a little lazy, that's all. I miss making entries in my diary. So, I plan to start it up again. DIARY...make way....here I come. BTW This is not a New Years resolution!

Today....

Today I got an e-mail from a friend. It was very touching and inspired me to write in my diary. Almost two years have passed since I have written in this diary.  Now is a good time to make another entry. Not sure what has prevented me from writing. I could come up with all kinds of reasons. To busy, bitter, lost interest, other interest and the list goes on.  Yes the list goes on, but I think these are the culprits.  I have been very busy. I do have other interest. I hate to admit it, even though I think it is to be expected. I have had some bitterness and I did loose interest or I would not have stopped making entries...Yes?

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