|
 Living Life While You’ve Got It
This month we’re featuring a pair of letters, one written by a woman in deep despair - our PH friend, Loris Wilson - and the other offered in response. Loris’s original message was posted on the phfriends list here at PHC earlier this year, and although many friends offered support, one response was particularly poignant. Armond Aserinsky, who lost his wife, Carol to PH in November of 2001, reminded Loris - as well as the rest of us - the importance of living in the now. We all need to remember this from time to time.
From:
Loris Wilson
Date: Sat Mar 23, 2002 11:25 pm
Subject: I Realize I'm dying
From the moment
I was dx in June of 2001, I knew PH was a terminal illness. I was
put on Zoloft and Atavan for depression to help get me through the
shock of this dx's. Everyone thinks I am handling this very well
and I even thought I was handling it good. Secretely I guess I believed
in my heart that I was going to get better and Flolan was going
to be my miracle. The last few days the realization of dying has
just set in. I am so depressed and even afraid. I don't want to
leave my love ones. I over heard my husband talking to one of our
friends on the telephone about going on a cruise. He was saying,
"no I don't think so. Well it doesn't look good. We don't know
how she will be in November. I doubt it very much." I could
read between the lines what this conversation was about. All of
a sudden I realized that I'm dying and my time is short. My husband
is so supportive and he takes care of me like I was a piece of fragile
crystal. All of a sudden I am breaking down emotionally. I don't
want to waiste any days that I have left by crawling in bed and
crying from depression. I am trying with all my strength and spiritual
belief to get through this stage. Please tell me if anyone else
has experienced this? How did you get over it? Will this depression
pass? Oh God, is there anything that can help me.
Loris
From: Armond Aserinsky
Date: Sun Mar 24, 2002 11:37 am
Subject: RE: [phfriends] I Realize I'm dying
Loris,
As you may know,
I lost my wife, Carol, to PH in November. She was sick for six years,
and despite the best treatment in the world her time came all too
quickly.
NEVERTHELESS,
we did everything that she was physically capable of doing, right
up until the end. That meant making plans for things months in advance,
based upon her current status. A few months before she died, we
went to Disney World with my daughter and son-in-law-to-be. She
couldn't walk very much at all, so of course we used a motorized
scooter.
Not long after
that trip, she took a turn for the worse. If the timing had been
a little less fortunate, we would have had to cancel the trip to
Disney. So what! We always took out trip cancellation insurance,
which wasn't that expensive.
A few years
earlier, we took two European tours. She was healthier then, though
for the second trip she did need a wheel chair, which we took with
us. I got a real workout pushing her up the hills of Edinburgh.
I looked like Arnold Schwartzeneggar. LOL
The point is,
that we based our plans on her CURRENT CAPABILITIES. I spoke with
her doctor about the outlook for her, and right up until the end
he said it was realistic to hope for improvement. He was hoping
to add Tracleer to her medications, and if that proved effective,
her downhill slide could well have been reversed.
So while I watched
her get worse, we lived life to the fullest, and we realistically
sized up her chances for actually get better. During the last two
months I had an elevator installed in the house. She worried about
the money and the chance that she might not use it for very long.
I told her that we'd go on living and planning based on her CURRENT
CONDITION. At the point where we began the elevator project, she
was not bed-ridden, and getting around in our two story house was
very very hard for her. I solved the problem based on what she could
do at the time.
One day our
luck ran out. Her health slipped another notch, the doctor said
there was nothing more to do, and she passed away quickly and quietly
with the help of a team from the home-hospice service, which we
had arranged to be on "stand-by" months earlier.
Two weeks before
she died, our daughter got married in a beautiful wedding. Carol
was there! And we used the just completed elevator to get her downstairs.
She rode like a real lady, instead of having to be carried down
stairs. When we returned home, we went upstairs in the elevator.
We both laughed and had the same darkly humorous idea--that if she
didn't take a lot more rides in that elevator, the cost per trip
would be a little higher than flying on the Concorde, and for a
much shorter journey.
Loris, do everything
you're able to do. Make plans. Buy things that will last for years,
and if you only get to use them for a little while, well so be it.
Does your living room need a new sofa? Are the curtains in the bedroom
getting on your nerves? And so on...
As an old friend
of mine used to say, "None of us is getting off this planet
alive." He wasn't talking about Star Trek. Live life while
you've got it. Even if you believe that you're going to a better
place in the long run, you've got to live THIS LIFE while you're
here.
Feel better.
Doctor's Orders.
Armond
Postscript
When we asked
Loris how she is doing now, she wrote the following:
I did receive
alot of responces to my (message about) grieving for the old Loris.
I felt as though she was dead… Yes, I was grieving for my old
familiar self. I am 66 years old and retired as a travel agency
owner. I was able to travel all over the world before I was diagnosed
with PH in July 2001. I have been married to a wonderful supportive
man for 43 years. After being diagnosed with PH I thought I no longer
wanted to live. My husband assured me that I had many reasons to
live, the most important was to be with him. I started Flolan on
Oct. 1, 2001 and it has changed my life considerably. PHfriends
has been a great support for me. I have realized that I am not alone
with my emotional feelings. We all go through similiar emotions.
It is normal to grieve when there is a loss of a loved one or one's
health.
September 1, 2002
| WE
WOULD LIKE YOUR FEEDBACK.
Please send your comments about this article and your suggestions for
future articles.
We ask that all articles
are relevant, that common decency prevail, and that any factual statements
be verified for accuracy. If you are sending comments on a feature, please reference the title in the subject
line. Our goal is to bring useful and interesting features to you in future
months. |
PHCentral is committed
to the expression of diverse opinions from members of the PH Community.
We feel strongly that
free and open discussion regarding PH will assist in the generation and the
refinement of new and existing ideas. To that end, we provide the opportunity
for anyone from the medical and patient communities to submit editorials,
letters to the editor or short articles on a PH-related topic. We will be
encouraging opposing points of view. Areas may include treatments, causes,
advocacy, disability, etc.
|
