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LIFE WITH FLO: The Series PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 NEXT
April 22, 2004 - Part 12
It was 3:30 a.m. The house was quiet, except for the Grandfather clock, the cats catching fake mice, and Flo's wheezing. Everyone was asleep. One minute later, NOBODY WAS ASLEEP, because without warning, Flo was experiencing her first EMERGENCY! There should be a prize, or a ribbon, or a medal for The First Emergency. At the very least, a bumper sticker. It all started with my awakening because I felt too hot. Women know what I mean. Men will just have to imagine it. Flo CANNOT imagine it. Well, to make a long story longer, the pajamas had to come off. It quickly became obvious we had not used enough detangler that morning. The pajamas, the oxygen tubing, and Flo's line were all competing for the same space. In frustration I screamed, "FLO, is there something WRONG with you tonight?". Her perplexing answer was "I'm a frayed knot". So I figured, since there's NOT something wrong, I'll go back to sleep. After a moment or two I thought I heard her nervously whisper, "I feel like I'm at loose ends". So I turned on the light, and SHE WAS! Her ends were all over the place! For the first time ever, her Attachment Disorder DIDN'T EXIST! Then the words came into my head...THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! As everyone knows, PANIC and CONFUSION are supposed to accompany EMERGENCIES. And I'm proud to say that I gave it every effort to employ both of them. I turned all the lights in the house on while simultaneously screaming "WE NEED HELP AROUND HERE, PEOPLE". Pretty good multi-tasking, don't you think? Everyone flew to the kitchen. Then flew back.......to retrieve glasses to see with...........and to close blinds so as to not be seen pajamaless by the sleeping neighbors. During all this flight, I held Flo tightly so she wouldn't be so scared of her tubing flinging hinder and yon, touching every non-sterile surface in sight. Finally, back at the kitchen, words started flowing into my adrenalin soaked brain. They were isolated words and phrases, but important nevertheless.......CONTAMINATION.......CLAMPING OFF........SHORT HALF-LIFE.......RESTORE THE FLOW........LINE CHANGE........CASSETTE TUBING..........MORE CONTAMINATION......BACKUP CASSETTE......ALCHOHOL!!!! Yes! Alcohol! That's what you ALWAYS do first! So I emptied a bottle of it on the counter. My mind kept saying "GET CLEAN........AND DO IT FAST!!!" So we washed all hands one minute's worth in 30 seconds. All supplies were gathered and thrown on the counter fast enough to impress Guinness. The ticking clock was our enemy, but speed was our friend. Flo was in a panic by now. I guess that shows I've taught her well. But she had a RIGHT to be. Because she knew that the one procedure that was NOT MEMORIZED yet was THE LINE CHANGE! But what she didn't know was how much a brain remembers when it is swimming in adrenaline. Yes, yes, we looked at the instructions from Headquarters, just to make her feel more confident. BUT we actually found ourselves on automatic pilot as we replaced her cassette and then her tubing. Once everything sterile was back in place, we primed, we connected, we unclamped, and we started her pump! Then we loudly exclaimed with great relief, "WE'RE BACK IN BUSINESS!!!". Flo whispered in my ear, "Can you explain to me what that means?". I answered "I'M A FRAYED KNOT."
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