LIFE WITH FLO: The Series: Part 13

By Karen Waters

LIFE WITH FLO: The Series

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April 24, 2004 - Part 13

Late at night, when the house is dark and quiet, and the moonlight filters into the bedroom, is what I call "Wondering Time". I bet all of you have a "Wondering Time" too. This is when I let my mind reflect and wonder. I wonder THIS about THAT, or THAT about THIS, or THIS AND THAT about something else. So last night, under the striped moonlight shining through the blinds, I was wondering why it is that, of all the procedures that Flo requires of me, The Dreaded Dressing Change produces the most anxiety. This anxiety is the palpable variety. The kind that has it's own volume and weight. The kind that has the ability to not only curl your toes backwards, but also transform any hairstyle into the electrified look. Of course, I can't actually DO this Dreaded Dressing Change myself yet, due to Picc Line Prohibitions. BUT the people doing them FOR me actually LOVE me. They're careful and fastidious. They would NOT hurt me, yank out my picc line, or spit on my catheter site. So why is it that every time we do this, I find myself fighting off the desire to consumea half a bottle of Xanax? Even Flo doesn't get it. She just sits there duringthe whole procedure, calmly counting her milliliters, then delivering them ina timely manner, as if nothing were happening around her. If you have the answerto this, please put it in Flo's Suggestion Box. You'll find it in the ice box.Flo says she likes to do her reading in there, which might answer the age oldquestion about whether the light in the refrigerator goes out when you shut thedoor.

It will not be long before I have my degree in Bubble-ology. Every day I learn something new about bubbles. I wouldn't bother to study this air-head subject except for Flo being a 7-Upaholic. I have now learned that "champaign bubbles" are OK. "Pea size bubbles" are NOT OK. Another thing I've learned is how to remedy the NOT OK bubbles. It's done by a complicated and patented method called "Flicking". Did you know, if you Flick a large bubble, it will turn into several "champaign bubbles", which are, of course, on the OK list. So, at any given time, I can be found Flicking bubbles right through Flo's tubing. Why she twitches when I do this, I do not know. But I always remind her that my practicing this technique means she can now enjoy "champaign taste on a 7UP pocketbook".

And speaking of bubbles, I have to say that I believe something needs to be said about The Filter, you know, the one in Flo's tubing. In my opinion, The Filter is one of Flo's unsung heroes. She doesn't really mention him much, so I will. What would I do without this quiet, yet diligent, little bubble catcher? Not only does he ROUND things out for Flo, but did you know that he has the reputation for being able to catch an ENTIRE LINE OF BUBBLES? Now, I personally, really appreciate this, as does my entire circulatory system. And this appreciation gives me one more reason to like practicing the Flicking Technique, for without even asking him, I believe we can rest assured he prefers catching the "champaign bubbles". Don't you think? Normally I would refer someone like him to AA, but since he doesn't drive, and only has a lifespan of three days, I don't suppose it would be worth it.

LIFE WITH FLO: The Series

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