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LIFE WITH FLO: The Series PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 NEXT
May 10, 2004 - Part 15
"In with Hickman, Out with Picc". "In with Hickman, Out With Picc". "In with Hickman, Out With Picc". This is the mantra I woke up to the other morning. I recognized the voice. When fully awake I realized that sometime in the middle of the night Flo had made a placard that said VOTE FOR HICKMAN and put it on a long stick. Oh no! She thinks she's at a political rally! "What ARE you doing, Flo?" "Whaddaya think? It's an election year, so I'm campaigning!", she replied. "Flo. Listen to me. This is NOT an election. Hickman is NOT running for office. It's SURGERY", said I. She looked at me squarely, and said, "Perhaps you are half right. But I'm half right too. I looked at your hospital form and it clearly states: Karen Knisely, 5/4/04, 1:00p.m., Hickman in, Picc out, ELECTIVE surgery." She went back to her marching. Even though we had to get up at 3:30 a.m. Flo was excited. "I just LOVE goingto the hospital! People actually KNOW me there!", she exclaimed. Her feelings were understandable, because it certainly seems thatnobody around here recognizes her at all. She says she may as well have beenborn on Mars. Even the local doctors have to look her up on their palm pilots,and even then, only after they ask how to spell her name! And sometimes that gives Floa feeling of isolation. So it was with glee that she traveled on the two hourtrip to the Short Stay Clinic at the Hospital. She wasn't terribly disappointedwhen the front desk clerk asked who she was. After all, that little girl WAS just a clerk,and probably right out of high school to boot. But following the clerk, we camein contact with the orderlies, the CNA, the phlebotomist, the ultrasound technician,and the nurse in charge. Everybody asked about Flo. Everybody wrote stuff downABOUT Flo, but sadly, not a soul seemed to know who she was. Flo looked defeatedwhen she said, "It's a good thing I have YOU, or I wouldn't have a single friendin the whole wide world". "Flo", said I, "Can you say the words 'DRAMA QUEEN'?" Shesnorted as she turned to head toward the surgical waiting area. For the next two hours she just hung around in that waiting room, spending most of her time arguing with the oxygen over tubing entanglements. After a while she said, "I think nobody likes me." Right at that moment I didn't need any more Drama Queen performances. Nevertheless, I humored her by asking, "What's wrong now, Flo?" "Well", she began, "Everyone here seems to like YOU. They bring you warm blankets, they say nice things to you, and when they look at you, it's with kindness and concern in their eyes". "So what's your point?" I asked. "Well, when they ask what I'M doing here, and what MY purpose is, I can tell they don't like your answers. It makes them SAD. Then they look at ME like it's all MY fault. And when they REALLY look at me, their faces get REALLY sad". At that point I'd had it with Flo and her whining. If I had told her once, I'd told her a thousand times, but I had to tell her again, "FLO! Listen to me! You've GOT to stop wearing BLACK all the time. It makes people depressed!" She immediately demanded the phone number of the Accredo Task Force. Ahhh, maybe she's finally going to DO something about her wardrobe. I have to say, Flo was right about ONE thing. She's not well known, even in hospitals. Even the anesthesiologist gave himself away when he asked me if Flo was carrying enough medicine to last for the next 30 minutes! Oh sure! Like we would show up for surgery with Flo running on EMPTY!! I assured her it was just his job, and he's required to ask EVERYTHING. Plus, we didn't exactly make him feel comfortable by bringing all her backup supplies to the O.R. Once we got to RECOVERY Flo began to relax. "We're halfway home now", she said. I looked perplexed, so she added, "Hickman's in, but Picc's not out yet". Then, suddenly, without any warning, HEADQUARTERS SHOWED UP!! I've never seen Flo so happy. FINALLY someone actually RECOGNIZED Flo! And to boot, Headquarters had a new assistant. Flo got to show off for her and display her many talents. What a glorious day for Flo!! And the best moment of all was when Headquarters switched Flo's line to the BRAND NEW SHINY HICKMAN, and then the long awaited moment finally arrived and it was OUT WITH PICC!!! Of course, I asked Headquarters if I could give that Picc one last kick, but it was too late, she'd already thrown it away. So with Picc finally out and buried, Flo and I happily departed, me in my complimentary hospital wheelchair, she snuggled next to me. Everyone seemed to be watching with intense curiosity, but we didn't care as we sailed through the hospital halls, Flo holding her campaign sign high while we chanted in unison "In With Hickman, Out With Picc".
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