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LIFE WITH FLO: The Series PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 NEXT
May 29, 2004 - Part 17
Have you ever been discombobulated? Of course you have. Everyone has. This includes Flo and me as well. Yep, we have been discombobulated for some time now, even so much that we've actually been QUIET during most of the experience. And I bet you thought we were merely on sabbatical. Well, when we finally figured out exactly WHO was causing our discombobulation we immediately got out our Handy Human Relations Repair Kit we purchased on QVC. When it failed to work we called the manufacturer's tech support line. After thorough testing by their trained personnel it was discovered we had an incompatible circuit in our system. Yep, someone here was NEVER going to mesh well with Flo. So, we excused him from the game, changed the locks on the doors, rearranged the furniture, and went to work recombobulating ourselves. The bad news is, Flo and I both feel a little sad right now. The good news is, we are already 78% recombobulated and should be at 100% no later than Independence Day. Quite fitting if you ask me. While we were gone, Flo and I had the privilege of meeting the 11th Nanogram. And I can tell you, she's a DOOZY! She seems to have a much stronger contract with the Side Effects, because when she calls them, they come running. Which in turn causes Flo and me to do some running of our own! And another thing, she managed to sign on one more member from The Reservation. You are all familiar with the veteran members of course, Big Chief Jaw Pain, Green Apple Trot, Red Face, and Head Ache. Please extend a big (un)welcome to the newest member, Hopping Foot. Actually, I really don't notice him much until I get to the checkout counter in the grocery store, and then he can get quite annoying until I finally get to the car. By that time I've nearly bitten my tongue all the way in half trying to not scream at the people ahead of me in line "HURRY UP YOU IDIOTS! GET OUT OF MY WAY!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT MY FEET ARE HURTING AND HOPPING MAD? PRICE CHECK?? WHADDAYA MEAN, PRICE CHECK?! I'LL PAY THE EXTRA!! LET'S JUST GET THESE MORONS OUT OF MY WAY SO I CAN GET OUTTA HERE AND STOP THIS HOPPING FOOT!!" Last week Flo and I had our checkup appointment with the surgeon. You know him, the guy with the big knife who spends his time installing Hickmans day in and day out. Well, I have to tell you, Flo and I impressed EVERYONE. First, we had to undress the dressing of course, but once Hickman was finally in clear view, all the professionals paraded by, took a good long look, and then the rave reviews started pouring in! We actually won the "Best Care Of A Hickman Award". And just think, we accomplished all of this while being discombobulated! I have discovered how much I really LOVE nature, SECOND NATURE that is. Everyone told me that when it came to my relationship with Flo, Second Nature would be here sooner or later. The funny thing is, I cannot tell you if it arrived SOONER or LATER. I thought Second Nature would arrive like Christmas Day. Everyone KNOWS when Christmas Day arrives. But Second Nature is much more sneaky. One day, when we were just sitting around priming lines, swapping clave stories, and verifying pump rates, Flo and I stopped, looked at each other, and suddenly realized everything had been feeling like Second Nature for quite a while! Yep, sometime or another, we're not sure just when, I had become a Master Chef at mixing Flo's Secret Recipe. Then, out of the blue, I received my P.H.D. in Bubbleology! And I can now do a Dressing Change faster than I can dress! Doing line and clave changes have become easier than changing my mind! My question is: HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? Well, I can't tell you exactly, IT JUST DID! My previous nerves of jello have now been forged into steel by heavy doses of confidence born, I'm certain, of time on the job. The pages of the instruction book from Headquarters are now yellowing as they sit around unread these days. Flo told me that she feels we are becoming old veterans at this. I told her to speak for herself! There is NOTHING old about me. And there never will be!
LIFE WITH FLO: The SeriesPREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 NEXT
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