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March 16, 2005 - Part 26
It saddens me to have to share this with you, but for weeks now Flo and I have been heavily entrenched in a Love/Hate relationship. You see she LOVES to invite her Side Effects friends over to entertain me, and I HATE the entire band. And not only am I tired of THEM, at the same time I've been regularly, and frequently, feeling just plain TIRED. This scenario became so disturbing that one day I was not at all surprised to find myself living in the very bottom of a very Black Hole. Please don't be alarmed. This wasn't the first time I had visited the Black Hole. I've actually been there many times, always against my will of course. Sometimes it's Flo who sends me there. Sometimes it's the PH Monster. And other times I go there just for the special Get-Away Weekend they advertise as "For Reasons Unknown". Now, if you haven't been there yourself let me paint a picture of it for you. It's BLACK. Which means it feels dark there. And the accomodations are not at all comfortable. I would rate it a Minus Five Star dump. But mostly while you are there you just don't care anyway, so it could even be a Minus Ten Star and you wouldn't notice any difference. For me, the best part of the stay is always The Escape, because I really do like living in my regular residence where I can turn the lights on, and people smile and laugh a lot. So before I go to the Black Hole I am always fully aware that I will need to bring along an antidote to assist me in The Escape. And I always bring along more than an adequate supply of antidote, just in case someone else needs to escape too. But somehow, on this particular trip, the M&Ms just didn't work! I tried the Plain, the Peanut, the Almond, and even the new Extra Large Shrek variety. Flo began to really worry about me so we visited The Specialist. And guess what! Flo was required to submit to a job review! She and her 19 Nanograms were terribly nervous about it. And for good reason. The Specialist was indeed very disappointed in her job performance! But, lucky for her, he opted not to fire her. Instead he decided to renegotiate her contract. She has been ordered to recruit 6 more Nanograms by June 1st. And then we will "see how I'm doing". Well, I KNOW how I'll be DOING. I'll be DOING the LOVE/HATE relationship again! Because, as you and I both know, MORE NANOGRAMS = MORE SIDE EFFECTS. So, after The Specialist peeled me off the ceiling, he promised me that one day Flo would be employing a sufficient crew of Nanograms to get the job done, and once that evened out, the Side Effects would lose interest in playing their games at my house so often. "So", I ask, "How long do you suppose it will be before THAT happens?" "Oh", says he, "Anywhere between six months and a year". "SIX MONTHS AND A YEAR!", I screamed. Then, just before the staff could dial the psych unit for help, Flo and I made our escape. We hurried to our car, sped out of the parking garage, and stopped at the first travel agency we saw. We leave tomorrow on a flight to Las Vegas where we can spend all the time we need at the M&Ms factory.
LIFE WITH FLO: The SeriesPREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 NEXT
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