LIFE WITH FLO: The Series: Part 28

By Karen Waters


LIFE WITH FLO: The Series

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March 23, 2005 - Part 28

 

Ever since I was forced to return to using Daytime Oxygen I've been wallowing in self pity. I did this on purpose. The alternatives were drinking, maxing out the credit cards, or running away. Wallowing seemed to be the cheapest, safest, and most sensible solution. I thought I was doing a good job of keeping the wallowing to myself, but then Flo mentioned that I seemed out of Sorts. I didn't agree. So I argued. She argued back. So I checked my supply, and by golly, she was right. My stock was completely depleted. So I put in an emergency order for all sorts of Sorts. Told them I needed the order yesterday. And so Fed-Ex delivered twenty-five cases of sorts YESTERDAY. Does this sound crazy to you? Perhaps it actually is. But I know one thing. I am no longer out of Sorts. No matter what Flo says.

Flo actually likes the Daytime Oxygen. Well, good for her. I didn't even want to know why. She told me anyway. I suppose all my wallowing must have intimidated her somewhat, because she was whispering when I THOUGHT she said, "I like Daytime Oxygen because it takes two to tango". When I made her repeat it, turns out she likes Daytime Oxygen because it takes two to TANGLE. Well, that might be fun for HER, but it's most definitely at MY expense. I'M the one who has to keep separating the two, and straightening everyone out. And I don't believe this was EVER in my original PH job description, or I wouldn't have signed on for the PH in the first place. I called the nurse about my frustration with these new entanglements. She said something about how it would take patients to handle the problem. Well, darn it anyway, I'm only ONE patient! DO I HAVE TO GET ANOTHER ONE OR TWO OF THEM OVER HERE TO HELP ME OUT? Does that sound crazy to you? Well, the nurse seems to agree with you. A! s does Flo.

I have to admit that Daytime Oxygen does seem to grant me a couple of advantages. At long last, other people DO REALIZE that I am sick. PH can hide for a long time, but Daytime Oxygen mercilessly blows it's cover. Even Flo can't understand why SHE doesn't have the same impact. Perhaps I should have worn her on my face. I bet that would have done it. There are huge advantages to having something on your face. It's like wearing a big sign that says I AM REALLY REALLY REALLY SICK OTHERWISE I WOULDN'T BE WEARING SOMETHING ON MY FACE. I found that NOBODY looks funny at me now when I park in the handicap space. Little old ladies let me on the elevator first. And EVERYONE smiles at me. If there is a problem at the grocery check-out, or in any place of business, I am treated with maximum kindness. It seems the only conclusion that's logical is that every single day of the year is BE NICE TO PEOPLE WITH SOMETHING ON THEIR FACE DAY.

 


LIFE WITH FLO: The Series

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