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LIFE WITH FLO: The Series PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 NEXT
March 16, 2006 - Part 31
For many months now Flo and I have been reveling in a Love/Hate Relationship. Some days I love her and she hates me. But usually it's the other way around. I suppose that's better than no relationship at all. Oh wait......what am I saying?! I don't even believe that. Neither do you. To make a short story long I will tell you that we are still trying to work things out. Surely we can get along better than this. We've thought about seeking counseling. But counseling, as you know, is all about talking and listening and emotions. Think about that. Flo has no mouth, no ears, and is clearly void of emotion. She even admits herself that she's just plain cold. Approximately 38 degrees. If we WERE able to sit down with a shrink I know exactly how it would go. She would complain that I seem distant and bored with her. Of course, I would explain that's because I want to get as far away from her as I can, precisely because she's so boring. When I'd finally get a chance to tell my side of the story I would complain that she is extaordinarily exacting, not to mention demanding, especially once every 24 hours, just like clockwork. Can anyone argue the boring factor on that one? But worse than that is the company she keeps. Flo grows more and more involved with The Side Effects, inviting them over as frequently as she collects new Nanograms. We're up to 34 now. She tried to force me into accepting #35, but I kicked that one out after nearly having to report it to 911. And I don't know where she got the money, but Flo has obviously invested in better, more intense equipment for The Side Effects performances. The entire neighborhood can feel my pain! Last week I finally made a decision. If Flo and I are to continue life's journey together there is only one thing that will work. A restraining order on Nanogram #35. I don't know who does this kind of work, but we all know there is a lawyer for EVERYthing, not to mention that some of them will do ANYthing. Also it's time to have something lawyerish, in legalese, drawn up for me and Flo. A LIMITED PARTNERSHIP. Please understand, I'm not interested in becoming any more limited than I already am. But Flo! Well that's where my interest begins and ends. I want the following limitations put on her: Number of nanograms collected; Frequency of invitations extended to The Side Effects; Zero tolerance on tangling Extension tubing with oxygen tubing. Can you think of anything else? Oh wait! I thought of something: Flo pays court costs.
LIFE WITH FLO: The SeriesPREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 NEXT
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