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LIFE WITH FLO: The Series PREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 NEXT
April 6, 2004 - Part 6
Flo doesn't like mornings any more than I do. So we struck a deal. We'll cook her supper at 10pm from now on. This was a hard decision for Flo, but I encouraged her to consider the cold facts. She finally laid down the line, put the pros on one side, the cons on the other, and decided not to hire any prisoners, so the pros have the contract. Nope, it didn't make any sense to me either, but there you have it. I only report the news, I don't create it. Today was Emeril Day, where we 'kicked it up a notch'. Yep, one more nanogram. That makes 5 now. So how come I didn't notice the extra grandmother? Flo didn't notice either. Maybe the Side Effects' agent wasn't notified. I'll look into this later, on their website, www.annoyingguys.yuk. Do you know what I found out today? Of course you don't. So, naturally, I will tell you. Don't I always tell you? Well,this morning I was asking Flo about her family..... you know...... her genealogy. Turns out she has none. Not a single ancestor, descendant, sibling, relative, or cousin,no matter how many times removed. And, of all things, it's because SHE'S A CLONE! See! It CAN be done! Well, I suppose this does answer the one question I've had about Flo........ her Attachment Disorder. I've never had ANYBODY, other than a yet to be born baby in the womb, FOLLOW ME AROUND EVERYWHERE, invited or not. The therapist will see her starting next week. I'll have no choice but to go with her. But it's NOT going to be family therapy since SHE HAS NONE. Did you ever notice that everyday problems seem to happen every day? Well, that's still the case since Flo moved in. Only difference is that Flo has a profound impact on the nature of everyday problems. They are new. Different. Annoying. AND THEY NEED TO BE SOLVED. Do you remember Tame? If you are old, maybe you do. If you are young, it was the first hair detangler not made of mayonnaise, and Dick Clark advertised it on American Bandstand. Well, you see, Tame solved a problem. It detangled the tangles. It was a novel idea back in the mid 60s. And now, 40 years later, I need something like that. I spend nearly 38.25% of my waking hours detangling Flo's tubing from the oxygen tubing from Flo's belt from my clothing from the hair dryer cord from the....... well you get it. Do you suppose I should call Accredo for this? One more bottle of Something Or Another shouldn't make the box any more difficult to get through the door, don't you think? Don't tell Flo, but I've been listening closely to her when the house is quiet and she thinks I'm sleeping. I mentioned once before how perplexed I was about Flo's sound system. Is it a WHEEZ I hear? Nope, not quite. Then, maybe snoring...... nope, not really. Then last night, when she was lying very very still, I moved over ever so slowly and put my ear right next to her. I FINALLY FIGURED IT OUT! And the plan now is to nominate her in next year's Golden Flo Awards for Best Impersonation of a 35mm Camera! Picture THAT!
LIFE WITH FLO: The SeriesPREV 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 NEXT
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