LIFE WITH FLO: The Series: Part 7

By Karen Waters

LIFE WITH FLO: The Series

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April 9, 2004 - Part 7

When it comes to changing Flo's cassette and mixing her new one, my nerves of jello are starting to firm up. Well, a little bit anyway. The steel stage is still a long way off. Flo doesn't help the situation any. Tonight she yelled at me. "You are making MISTAKES!" I told her I knew that, but that I was also CATCHING them. "And just how would you KNOW about the mistakes you DIDN'T catch?" she asked with a sneer. I didn't like the truth in her observation, but reminded her that I am still faithful about reading the manual from Headquarters. Her cold stare annoyed me to the point of feeling that she needed to be taken down a peg or two, so I said "Now look, missy, just feel lucky that I haven't killed either one of us off yet!" With that I put her fresh cassette, and attitude, in the fridge, right next to the jello.

It was when I first started to work with Flo's supplies that I was introduced to the phrase printed boldly on everything she uses, 'OneTime Use'. Do you know what the 'One Time Use' philosophy can do to you? Well, the first thing it does is produce garbage the size of a small dump. The neighbors are giving us funny looks on trash day. Somebody asked if twelve more people had moved in. The other thing 'One Time Use' does is cause confusion. I'm getting so used to throwing things away that I found some of my good china in the kitchen trash. And where are all my bath towels? Wait a minute, while I check the trash. Suddenly I'm loosing respect for my washer and dryer. I mean, how clean can the clothes really be when they come out of the dryer NOT in a sealed package that says 'One Time Use'?

Oh, I forgot to tell you! Flo got a new dress last week. She ordered it from the Accredo Spring Catalog. I'm afraid it's another BLACK frock though. However, this one is shiny instead of dull, like the last one. A small improvement, BUT by no means enough. So I took it upon myself to speak to the Director of Accredo Catalog Sales, the Style-Free Department, of course. The good news is, there is a Task Force working on new dresses for Flo. I thought about that for a while. Hmmmm........ Task Force........ what is exactly WRONG with the feel of that? I KNOW! It sounds so.......... MILITARY. Now really, people, don't we need something that sounds more fashionable? An Italian name, or a French name, or perhaps a 5th Avenue name. Somehow Task Force makes me feel like her new dresses might end up coming with matching canteens, hiking boots, and a requirement to march somewhere hot and dirty.

I really do hope the new dresses are a success, for Flo's sake. She is SO worried about her appearance. She was just mentioning her concern about how square her jaw looks. It bothers her so much that she asked about surgery. I told her I simply didn't know that much about it, but with HER skin, perhaps plastic surgery IS an option. And maybe they could do something about her lines at the same time. But then, I suggested a better idea for Flo might be exercise, and offered her a membership to the gym. She was okay with the idea as long as the gym would allow her to spend all of her time.......... you've got it......... pumping iron!

LIFE WITH FLO: The Series

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